The S.S. Fun!

Tully (2000), Hilary Birmingham, F

Everything awful about independent cinema is on full view in this insufferable picture. Try watching the short that comes with the DVD. I gave the feature thirty minutes and the short five. A pox on this filmmaker.

Road To Utopia (1946), Hal Walker, A-

Almost as funny as "Road To Morroco," this time Hope and Crosby swindle their way through Alaska. Hope snuggles up to a bear that he thinks is Dorothy Lamour ("some day I'll buy you real furs, not this cheap imitation") then the bear turns to the camera to complain that he doesn't get a line in the picture. If this isn't the high water mark of Western civilization, I don't know what is. In this, the fourth in the series, there is an awful lot of mugging and funny noise making -- probably the most schtick-laden so far. And, while all the films are just jaw-dropping in their racism, the sexism in "Road To Utopia" may be unparalleled. The objectification is nonstop; women are treated as treats, as toys as accessories ("Doctor's orders - can't have 'em anymore!"). Whereas usually Hope and Crosby are seen going gaga over women (you can almost see the hearts beating like in the Bugs Bunny cartoons) here they are flat out leering. If you've already come to grips that all of mankind is doomed, you can rationalize this into an endearing quality.

Road To Zanzibar (1941), Victor Schertzinger, B

If you wanna see Bob Hope get in a WWF-style smackdown with a gorilla, look no further! About as racially sensitive as "Song of the South," the second "Road" movie is one of the nastiest -- even the women are scoundrels. Despite everyone ready to sell the other one into slavery or see them boiled in oil there's still time for some soft shoe and song. The best number is Bing "buh-buh-bum"ming along to African drumming and chants.

Road To Morroco (1942), David Butler, A-

Now THAT'S the way it is done. This is one of the dopey-est movies ever made, with an aesthetic straight out of Mad Magazine. Zingers out the ying-yang, in-jokes, 4th wall destroyed and, yes, the talking camel named Mabel. I couldn't summarize the plot if my life depended on it, but this is Hope and Crosby at their most old school. If you don't like this. . .well, you probably have good taste. . .but if you like idiotic comedy (and the occasionally well-crooned love ode) than this is for you.

Chamber of Horrors a/k/a The Door With Seven Locks (1940), Norman Lee, B-

Fog, Scotland Yard, iron maidens, keys hidden in vases, a sharp-tongued spinster and an ingenue looking for adventure, a bad man with a moustache. You got a problem with any of this?

Flowers in the Attic (1987), Jeffrey Bloom, B

I couldn't find anything about this idiotic, implausible, horribly acted, illiterately written, ploddingly directed motion picture that wasn't fun for last nights beer-enhanced bad movie night. You thought your childhood was rough? A delightful piece of shit that will have you yelling at the TV,

Sweet Sweetback's Baad Asssss Song (1971), Melvin Van Peebles, B+

Disclosure: when I first saw "Sweetback" I thought it was a piece of shit. Sure, I dug the importance of the film as product, but always considered it a case of The Emporer's New Clothes. While I still feel its rough-around-the-edges quality is, at times, inadvertant, this viewing -- especially after 3 beers -- took me on the right jazzy kalidescopic ride. Plus, I kinda knew what to expect. Come on, feet! Do yo' thing!

Road To Singapore (1940), Victor Schertzinger, C

Some fun little musical numbers, but not as many quality zingers as I would like. Plus, some outrageous racism and sexism. You might wonder how a Howard Stern fan such as myself could blanche at sexism. . .but that just proves how much you don't know. It's all about context. Anyway, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour would make better films together later in the series. . .and I'll be revisiting them all over the next few weeks. Odd how this, the first one, doesn't bowl me over. Oh -- And they never make it to Singapore. That really bothered me.

Sudden Impact (1983), Clint Eastwood, C-

Feh. All the subtle political complexities that made the original "Dirty Harry" and intellectual success are drained by this, episode four. As a thriller it is boring; no real mystery, the twists in the chase either implausible or uninteresting. There is, however, some dandy comic relief. Harry is teamed up not with a woman or a Hispanic this time, but a flatulent dog! Make my day indeed.

Videodrome (1983), David Cronenberg, A

One of the most fun mind-fucker movies out there. Dated, yes, but this only helps the film. So many ways to enjoy this classic: as pulp, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and as rich text, there is much to ponder. What to make of Prof. Brian O'Blivion's prophecies in light of Fox News and Al Jazeera? What to make of the "Videodrome" signal in light of direct TV porn? And. . .what to make of the last 30 minutes of this film?!? I've seen this movie 3 or 4 times -- I used to get annoyed by the end. Now I realize. . .what if it did all come together? Would that really be any better? Would the movie be better off if you could tie a nice little narrative bow on it and know what parts of the film are hallucination and what parts are "real?" Cronenberg is wiser just to drop the cow as he does without slowing the action down. The result is a "heavy" film that is fun to watch. . .over and over. . .just like "Videodrome" itself. It is Cronenberg's unique gift to somehow present his odd, obsessed, horrible, surreal themes in a way that is so entertaining and coy. This is as much a comedy as it is a horror film. Also -- Criterion has outdone itself here. The packaging is soooo fucking cool (the double DVD looks like an old BetaMax tape,) the menu screens look like bad video, and while I haven't listened to the commentary I have watched some of the raw video footage that makes its way into the film: Samurai Dreams and the actual "Videodrome" torture sequences. Watching that on grainy video. . . .that was a little creepy.

The Owl and the Pussycat (1970), Herbert Ross, B-

Mediocre play made mostly engaging due to late 60s location shooting and the overwhelming performance by Barbra Streisand at the zenith of her obnoxious charm. George Segal is the stick-in-the-mud pseudo intellectual aghast at Babs and her laissez-faire lifestyle. Heavy-handed at times, but occasionaly cute and clever, with one or two subtle moments. (Probably we can attribute these few moments to adapted Buck Henry; is this the first major release where you actually SEE the Pill?) Cameo by Robert Klein, music by Blood, Sweat & Tears. One hell of a time capsule.

A Love Song For Bobby Long (2004), Shainee Gabel, D-

On the cusp of being insufferable. Somehow I stayed just slightly interested, but was it because I truly wanted to know what the "secret" was (which, I should say, is pretty damned obvious) or because I hoped Scarlett Johansson would put on a more sexy outfit? This movie is poor and what's more it's a disgrace to all the lonely, alcoholic Southern literature professors out there. Travolta wants his Oscar so bad he is willing to cry drunkenly in the bathroom after urinating blood. Sorry, pal. . .you were more believable is "Staying Alive." Not everyone can pull a Peter Fonda in "Ulee's Gold." If you want the against-type brave anti- hero Oscar you have to, um, actually act. . .not just pout on screen. Stop this director before he/she (name is vague on gender) directs again!

The Emporer Waltz (1948), Billy Wilder, C

Bing Crosby, Joan Fontaine and their two dogs fall in love in pre-WWI Austria. This movie starts out strong, but becomes boilerplate about 30 minutes in. You get the feeling Wilder and Brackett were phoning their script in; there's little of their trademark wit. If it weren't for Bing (and the occasional song, though this is hardly a "musical") this would totally blow.

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1949), Tay Garnett, B+

Now *that's* the way you make a family picture. A fun premise, a coupla songs, some goofy jokes, a chase scene here and there, a beautiful dame in a long dress, a fat guy sidekick who falls down. Anyone who doesn't get a kick out of Bing Crosby "buh-buh-bumming" through medival history has some real problems.

Notre Musique (2004), Jean-Luc Godard, B+

Howard Hawks' famous recipe for a good picture: three great scenes, no bad scenes. JLG acheives this with "Notre Musique" but does it on his own terms -- we have three great themes, three moments, three concepts, three philosophical aha!s that float by in this river of many aha!s, none of them "bad." There's the exchange between the altruistic Israeli journalist and Palestinian intellectual who informs her (and us) that the only reason the world has any interest in the plight of the Palestinians is because their enemy is Israel. There's the revelation there will only be equality in life when there is no more death. . .an afterworld perhaps, but if there is nothing to achieve, why will anyone want to live? And there is the notion that perhaps death need not only be the currency of war -- and perhaps death can be an expression of peace. . .a concept floated a little bit in "Sophie's Choice," or maybe it was General Westmoreland destroying a village so he could save it? Obviously this is a heavy movie. But there are a couple of laughs if you can pick out the jokes. (The militant Native Americans wandering around the ruins of Sarajevo is comedy -- not mocking comedy, but, inexplicably, comedy.) I liked this movie a great deal, but that's just me. Sometimes the best art can't be explained ('cause, like, what actually happens in this movie?) and sometimes the best art feels like maybe, just maybe, the artist slapped some shit together and is calling it art. But if it washes over you and it feels right and you leave with your head buzzing then you know you've seen the real thing. Oh, and speaking of Howard Hawks, he kinda gets dissed a little bit here. . .a first in French cinema, but, if you recall, JLG is actually Swiss, so all bets are off.

Gigantic - A Tale of Two Johns (2002), AJ Shnack, B

I judge musician-profile docs thusly: would this interest someone who has never heard of this band before? The answer here - sure. It's not quite "Buena Vista Social Club," "Genghis Blues," or "The Last Waltz," but it gets the point across pretty darned well. I only wished for some archival live footage, instead of just that one concert (taped at Warsaw!) I still consider TMBG as one of my favorite groups of all time, so I knew all the facts presented here. Some of the talking head interviews were cool (their early collaboraters, esp.) but some made me want to shoot myself -- especially Ira Glass and Sarah Vowell. I really don't know which of those two I'd like to kill first. I'll probably have to go with Glass, since Glass discovered Vowell. . .and I did once have a phone conversation with Vowell (long story) and she was very polite. Oddly, Robert Krulwich, who certainly comes from the same school, doesn't annoy me. There's one unexpected, haunting moment. There is a live "in store" appearance taped at the Village Tower Records -- at 12 AM on Sept 11, 2001. A few hours away, and a few blocks away, from the terrorist attacks. The song, of course, the one that goes "Everyone's your friend in New York City. . . ."

The Enforcer (1976), James Fargo, B-

Whereas with the first two Dirty Harry pictures one could argue that there are important political subtexts bandied about, this one is just pure Hollywood trash. But very enjoyable Hollywood trash, especially the Tyne Daley as Harry's partner subplot. (A woman partner? Whaaaaaaaat?) I only ended the film an hour ago and I've already forgotten what the bad guys were doing (some kinda Symbionese parody) but I cannot deny that the 98 or so minutes spent watching this was very entertaining.

Magnum Force (1973), Ted Post, B-

This movie is only interesting when contrasted with "Dirty Harry," a film I saw last week, gave a "B" to, and now realize is absolutely brilliant. What makes "Dirty Harry" so fascinating is its unique political position, especially for 1971. It is, on its surface, in celebration of reactionary forces. Kill those fucking hippies. But the other villans, equally disdainful, is The Man. Authority and its rules: fuck 'em. Kill The Man, too. So what is Dirty Harry? Is he a force summoned up by the will of the "Silent Majority" or is he a Rebel With A Cause? A little of both. And the hippie in "Dirty Harry" is just note-perfect, violent yet weak. Anyway, what about "Magnum Force?" Here, Harry has to fight elements within his own group of police who take Dirty Harry-ing to excess. They are vigilantes, but they aren't gray about it like Harry is, but they have to go. When it is discovered that The Man is actually behind it all (no duh!) that just makes the reversal of "Magnum Force's" political point-of-view even more refracted. Screenplay by a young John Milius and a young Michael Cimino. Anyway, behind all this, a descent cop movie -- and Harry's Asian girlfriend is very sexy.

Days Of Being Wild (1991), Wong Kar-Wai, C

Lacking the verve and gusto of his other films. Worthwhile seeing if you are a fan, as you can kinda see l'essence du Wong in its embryonic form. (This is the first film Wong shot with DP Christopher Doyle.) Oddly, the movie's last half-hour is the best. Not because it builds, but because it kinda goes on an unexpected tangent. It's a smart move, as people leave in a good frame of mind, perhaps ready to write-off some of the spark-free dull parts. . .the ending kinda kicks some ass (and not just because there is some stylish violence, although this helps.) I can't say I want to watch this again, even when flipping around cable, but I'll neither say I demand my time and money back.

Ministry of Fear (1944), Fritz Lang, C-

Even Fritz Lang lays an egg once in a while. The first half hour is great, the rest is jumbled hackwork. Lang later disowned the film and, apparantly, it bears little resmeblance to the original Graham Green novel. Still, anything with Ray Milland in a fedora isn't completely terrible.

Paris Qui Dort (1925), René Clair, B

Nicholson Baker's "The Fermata" without the sex. Set in 20s Paris. Lots of it shot atop the Eiffel Tower (and dangerously so) the city of Paris is "frozen" except for a small band of characters who go on a 4 day bender. Innovative and fun. And silent! Every now and then it is important to watch a good silent film to remind you what cinema is all about.

Sous Les Toits de Paris (1930), René Clair, B+

An odd little picture, not quite silent, not quite sound. Parisian gangsters, rude neighbors and a courageous song plugger (!) vie for the love a beautiful woman. Lots of scenes at taverns, dance halls, and rainswept stone streets. Ah, L'amour! A number of clever, purely visual bits, though not quite as funny or engaging as Clair's later "A Nous La Liberte."

Gentleman's Agreement (1947), Elia Kazan, D

You'd think an expose on social issued directed by Kazan with a Moss Hart screenplay would be good, wouldn't'cha, especially if it won the Academy Award. Well. . . unless you are like me and you feel that you one day have to check all the "classics" off the list, I strongly urge you to give this movie a miss. Not only is it a bore, it is inadvertantly insulting to Jews, to New Yorkers and to journalists. Other than a well written speech given by Dorothy McGuire defending her refusal to confront her family's racism (which would be just fine in essay form) there's nothing of contemporary merit here, save for perhaps the young Dean Stockwell. And the picture is too long and dull to entertain as time capsule. Celeste Holm won the Oscar, too, for a fairly lame Myrna Loy impersonation.

Dirty Harry (1971), Don Siegel, B

Odd, but I never saw this. After reading J Hoberman's brilliant book "The Dream Life," which uses the image of Callahan on its cover and talks quite a bit about its politics, I felt I really should. It's pretty good for a cop movie. I wish it was more an odd little time capsule from the late 60s instead of a launching pad for the brutal cop genre (still alive today) but it is pretty sharply written, bordering on literate. About as good as this type of movie can get and, as Hoberman suggests, acts as a nice political litmus test, open to all sorts of interpretations.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002), George Lucas, B-

Miles and miles better than "The Phantom Menace." Each fight scene is cooler than the next; it is just a carnival to look at. The problem lies in the gaps between the fight scenes. I've done some serious thinking and my conclusion is this: there is no one to root for. Anakin, we know, is the bad guy. Hard to get behind him. And Obi-Wan, with all love to Ewan and Alec, is a wooden bore. The third POV is a mish-mosh of confusing. ominous ruminations from Yoda and Sam Jackson that are among the most boring scenes in the history of cinema. This is my second viewing and I still don't know what the hell this movie is about. Who is fighting who? Are we really rooting for a group that uses a eugenically cloned army to fight their war? Was Yoda behind the cloning? Are there enough of those robots out there to fight the Clones? When Jango Fett poison darts his hitwoman Zan, why doesn't he just dart Anakin and Obi-Wan, too? And, um, what are they fighting about again? And wasn't Terence Stamp in "The Phantom Menace?" Jurgen, Shappy -- somebody please tell me what's going on? Here's why "A New Hope" is a great film and why this is a groovy sound and light show but ultimately hollow -- "A New Hope" has Luke Skywalker. . . new to the World around here and we are discovering everything with him. And then there's a Princess to save and a metal sphere than blows up planets to destroy. 1, 2, 3. Unless you are obsessed with Star Wars and have time to do follow-up reading, it is impossible to know, or to care about, what is happening. Also, there is no Han Solo character. I just don't mean a lovable rogue, I mean a "real" character -- Han Solo would fit in on Earth. Bogart could have played Han Solo. Mace Windu, Count Dooku, Senator Amidala, Jango Fett and the God-awful kid playing young Boba. . .they all speak in staunch comic book speak. Oddly, it is Jar Jar Binks' brave Adlai Stevenson-at-the-UN stand in "Clones" that is the only moment in the entire film when something interesting happens coming from a character's humanity. Natalie Portman is a fine actress, but she is playing this part like cardboard. Carrie Fisher's Princess Leia had wit and depth. Anyway, that said, I liked the groovy screensaver aspect of this film an awful lot -- it is unmatched.

New Guy (2004), Bilge Ebiri, B

Solid ultra low-budget debut bringing the paranoid horror comedy of Polanski's "The Tenent" to the workplace environment. Playful and winningly aggrivating. If Ebiri had the budget and shot on film and hired decent actors (all but the lead and the crazy old man are awful) this would be a minor gem.

The Rose (1979), Mark Rydell, B

The biggest shock of this movie: how un-Bette Midler Bette Midler is in this picture. You think of Better Midler now, you think of a permanent guest on The View. Think of her in her heyday you think of her vamping around in a mermaid outfit and belting out tightly arranged Broadway numbers. But she was a relative unknown when cast for "The Rose," so she isn't in either of her personas. This unofficial Janis Joplin biopic is by the numbers but that doesn't make it a gripping flick to catch on TV as Ann and I did tonight. The performances are solid, the outfits are outrageous, the lighting kinda makes Bette look like Dee Snider from certain angles and Frederick Forrest does the best Scott Glenn impression he can. The scene with the drag queens (which I'm certain were added in after Bette was cast, as I don't think Janis had much of a gay New York following) is a few minutes of pure inspired fun. The meltdown ending, predictable as it may be, is touching in Midler's able hands. Alan Bates' character is a bore, though. It's funny, 'cause the song "The Rose" which was such a monster smash is the only late-70s/early-80s power ballad here, the rest is legit blues-rock.

The Dreamers (2004), Bernardo Bertoluci, B+

Not at all what I expected. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what I expected. I thought this would be a political film about May '68, not a personal film about 3 young people so wrapped up in their own weird incest shit they ignore May '68. Anyway, it is a unique film -- I'm not sure I understand it 100%, but it is pretty hard not to daydream afterwards and wish you were part of this group. Young sexy things living in a labyrinthine apartment in Paris talking about movies and music and Maoism all day. I coulda done without the hymenal and menstrual blood, though . . .but that's just me. I'm also proud of myself as I was able to name all but two of the movie clips as they flashed on the screen. I was a little annoyed by the ending. I actually did a "that's it?!" in my apartment. I'm sure that in the original book this ending makes more sense, as themes that are only hinted at here are given further exploration and, therefore, the bit at the end has more gravity. Still. . .I think the image of Eva Green in black elbow length gloves and a towel (and nothing else) doing a reverse-cowgirl on Michael Pitt's face is what I'll remember long after the whimsy of the cineaste scenes have faded. Also -- people get worked up when there are penises on screen. And this usually relegates a film to NC-17. There's plenty of penis in this film. But there is something which is more rare: vagina! It is almost axiomatic that full frontal for a woman means she will be standing up and we'll see a glimpse of her pubic hair. But in "The Dreamers." septeganarian sleazeball Bertolucci lovingly pans his camera up a fully naked *reclining* Eva Green, such that a clear and studied vision of her actual sex organ is on display. I'm just sayin' is all.

The Big Red One (1980), Samuel Fuller, A-

Private Ryan, my ass. While that movie may have more chocolate sauce, Sam Fuller's autobiographical near-masterpiece is a newly restored 3 hour meditation on killing, dying and surviving. Plus, Luke Skywalker and Louis from Revenge of the Nerds are in it! As with most episodic films, some scenes aren't as memorable as others, but I definitely rank this as one of the best "this is what war is really like" films I've ever seen. Lee Marvin's performance is staggering.

Love In The Afternoon (1957), Billy Wilder, A-

Gary Cooper, Audrey Hepburn, Maurice Chevalier, Billy Wilder and IAL Diamond. You got a problem with that? If you can buy that Hepburn would fall for the aged Cooper with a face like a saddle bag (and I say she would -- he wears a white tie and lives in hotels!) then you won't have a problem. There are some classic bits of vaudeville schtick here, as well as some perfect gem scenes that only Wilder can deliver. . .the subtle use of sound cues for innuendo, the swiftly yet perfectly drawn side characters, the recurring jokes. The movie is great fun and if you don't like movies like this then I have nothing to say to you.

A Matter of Taste (2000), Bernard Rapp, B-

Odd little movie, perhaps would have been better as a short story. A French Donald Trump type hires a young hunk to be his personal food taster. (He has a phobia of fish.) It leads to an odd psychological non-sexual love affair. Kinda neat. Kinda.

Irma La Douce (1963), Billy Wilder, B

A very strange picture, which at times seems very progressive and at other times is the most sexist movie ever made. I'd love to read a modern, feminist perspective on this film. Jack Lemmon's performance is great (good mimicry and physical comedy from him, which you don't always see) and there are some classic Wilder/Diamond zingers. Plus, Lou Jacobi in the perfect supporting role. It is about 30 minutes too long and the ending is retarded, but pretty hard to dislike this amiable farce.

Sideways (2004), Alexander Payne, A

Alexander Payne is one of America's most important contemporary artists. His last name details his area of expertise. I can't remember "laughing to keep from crying" so much at a movie since. . . since Payne's last film. "Sideways" is his best work, probably the best film of the year. Giamatti is upside down on the bed, half-listening to his mostly-awful best friend rant and rave about his midlife crisis, and we see what he sees. Bouncing tits on MTV's Beach House. THAT'S the way you nail it! One shot -- boom. It's funny AND it is painful. Sneaking back to the chubby waitresses house and discovering her having vulgur sex with her husband: funny, yes, and Giamatti's double take is hysterical. But what really happened in this scene? A quiet "good girl" gets a chance to live out her dream and screw a soap opera star only to get interrupted by real life -- her husband comes home. In the hours intervening as the two friends scheme to get the wallett back she and her husband have a screaming, tearful fight (all off camera of course) and finally face facts, at 6 AM, that their life is shit. He works nights, she watches soaps and works in a rib joint. They can only take solace in each other and have vulgur, brutal, potentially violent sex. (eg -- you are a fucking whore! Yes, I am a fucking whore!) The audience erupts in unbelievable laughter at this moment. The actress is all wrong. . .not what we expect. She's fat. And her voice is friendly and high pitched. Not at all what we've been trained to hear from Hollywood or the porn industry for a dirty-talk moment. It's as shocking a moment of cinema as any I've seen. . .like Raymond Burr looking right into the lens in "Rear Window." It is two characters dealing with pain: the cuckolded husband and the unattactive waitress. And it is only about two minutes of this brilliant, brilliant movie. I don't even want to get into the porch "seduction" scene or the wine-and-onion ring climax. . . .which had me in tears for three reasons: bittersweet the Giamatti had to uncork alone; proud that Giamatti finally uncorked; and loaded with bile, rage and professional jealousy in that I realize that I am just not yet able to write a scene like this.

The Groove Tube (1974), Ken Shapiro, D-

The Groove Tube is 74 minutes long. 70 of those minutes are dull, unfunny torture. 2 of those minutes are kinda funny. The remaining 2 are funny. This movie came out before "Kentucky Fried Movie" or Saturday Night Live started running. It may have been ahead of its time in format. Fine. It isn't funny, though. But the naked girls (a new one appears every 4 scenes, like clockwork) are hot.

Fuck America

[commentary censored]

Bush's Brain (2004), Joseph Mealy, Michael Shoob, D

About as lamely put together as a documentary can be. If you never heard of Karl Rove or the sneaky tricks he's pulled you should read a detailed review of this film on the imdb or something. (As it happens, I watched this on Sundance right before bed and then, yags!, had a dream about Karl Rove!)

Suspiria (1977), Dario Argento, B

If you like this sort of thing, than this is the one to see. What sort of thing? Marajuana-friendly, plot-free supernatural horror film with horrible acting yet outrageous lighting, sets, garish prog-rock and colors colors colors. While watching this a small part of me is thinking "this is retarded" but most of me is thinking "this looks so frickin' cool." You make up your own mind.

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, Irvin Kershner, A

The few gaffes of Episode IV are cleared up here and the result is a slam dunk. The comedy actually works, the timing is crisp, hell, there's even a good performance out of Mark Hamill (though I still like Chewbacca best.) (Two questions this time, though. One -- how is it that the THREE different big ass bad guy ships can't track the Millenium Falcon on radar when it is stuck to the side of one of 'em? I'll buy that the one it's stuck to won't catch it, but the others? Two -- The Millenium Falcon sneaks away with the trash (and what is that trash, really?) but Boba Fett is smart enough to hide himself with that trash to track the Falcon down. Fett has basically outsmarted Han Solo. Fine. So now he's following Han Solo to Cloud City. How is it that, as Lando Calrissian says, the Imperial Forces get there before the Millenium Falcon does? Especially considering that we see the giant ships zip away at light speed after they dump out the trash? It just doesn't add up.)

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977), George Lucas, A-

Very entertaining. Occasional moments of dreadful dialogue and some clunky pacing, plus some choppy acting by Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. Is this to emulate Saturday serials or because Lucas is a dolt? The world will never know. I like Chewbacca best. (Also -- what really was on Alderaan? Is it a peaceful planet with no weapons as Leia says? If so, why are Luke and Obi-Wan bringing R2-D2 there? There must've been *some* rebel base there of some sort.) (Also also -- you may as well mark me down as another of those people who is less-than-impressed with the "Special Edition" of this film. I'd never seen the new changes before and they kinda blow. The digital effects look dreadful. Oddly enough the one visual flaw from the original, the little box of light around the bad guy space ships during the Han & Luke shoot 'em up toward the end, remains intact.)

The Mummy (1932), Karl Freund, D

Watch this and YOU'LL want to sleep for three thousand years! Some of these old Universal horror films are still spooky fun (like the orig. "Frankenstein" pictures) but this one, like the orig. "Dracula," is a bore.

Shaun of the Dead (2004), Edgar Wright, A-

Yes! Awesome! From the opening pre-title use of The Specials' "Ghost Town" I knew we were in for a good ride. My only complaint is the five minutes in the third act when there's some actual tragedy. I applaud the film for getting me to care about the characters -- but this is a FUN movie, and I don't want anything sad to happen in it! Anyway, the performances are fantastic and the storyline is filled with very entertaining little hurdles. If you don't like this movie, you have real issues. (Though not as many issues as the crying kids who were dragged to this movie by their parents today at the Kaufman Astoria -- I keep forgetting that you can't can't can't go to this theater on weekends without expecting some hardcore ghetto activity.) I don't want to give away the ending, but the musical montage in the pub toward the end is to an all time SS Fun favorite (you may recall a singalong in New Orleans I wrote about) which both delighted and enraged me. Delighted me because it was brilliant, enraged me because now I can't use that song for something some day. Oh, and, yes, if you like Romero films there are a lot of little in jokes, too.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002), P. T. Anderson, B+

No one was more surprised than I how much I liked this much maligned film. Some of the criticisms are true -- there's hardly any there there. It's a tiny movie and the squandering of Emily Watson's talent is nearly criminal. Perhaps Anderson felt that hiring a great actress excused him from actually having to write a character. However, Adam Sandler's bursts of childish anger is absoultely striking as is the Rothko-like use of light leaks in the cinematography. And the way the sisters curse Sandler out like they are all still 12 years old is hysterical and very true to life. (How many people do you know that've never really grown up when they are with their family?) There's a wonderful dreamlike surreal quality to the whole project. . .just not one of those epic dreams that you wake up from and say "I gotta write a movie about that!"

The Fly (1986), David Cronenberg, A

Eeeeeeew! Bluuuuuuck! Graaaaaaak! But not just fingernail pus squirting out at the bathroom mirror money shots or regurgitation bile melting feet and hands. Also there is a true tragic love story. When Brundlefly discovers Ronnie's plan to have an abortion there is, amazingly, real feeling in the scene. Cronenberg's ability to play these scenes straight, yet still frightening, is remarkable. Also -- Goldblum's ranting pre-metamorphosis monologues ("Drink deep, or taste not, the plasma spring! Y'see what I'm sayin?") are an absolute riot and, perhaps, the greatest examples of the Cronenbergian "is he kidding or does he actually take this seriously" phenomenon. Plus, there's no good guy or bad guy. . .yet the movie was still a hit. Go figure.

Love and Death (1975), Woody Allen, A+

Woody's funniest, indeed, pound for pound this movie may have more laughs packed into it than any other film ever made. That includes Duck Soup, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Airplane!, all the others. Also -- you can still see Woody perfecting his film persona here, but still heavily cribbing from Groucho, Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, Bob Hope and, once or twice, Chico. Even Diane Keaton pulls out a few Groucho moments. This is meant as a compliment. Anyway, it's insane fun even if you don't know anything about Russian literature, which I certainly didn't when I first saw this at the age of 11. Wheat! I'm dead they're talkin' about wheat!!

Lola Montes (1955), Max Ophus, C-

When the only thing that's keeping you awake through a movie is its clever framing device you know you have a problem. This was on the "suggested viewing" list for, I presume, various feminist theory reasons back during freshman year, and, while I can't deny it may be fertile ground for some essays, it is also a potent cure for insomnia.

Rat Race (2001), Jerry Zucker, ???

I can't give this film a letter grade because it wasn't really me that watched it. I've noticed that when I get really tired I get really slap-happy. This used to happen to my sister a lot and now, at age 29, it is happening to me. I watched "Rat Race," a All B-Star Cast bonanza that's a mix of "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World" and "Midnight Madness" toward the end of my time at the Austin Film Festival. No, it wasn't being screened there. I watched it in my hotel room after a particularly long night that was sponsored by both Bombay Sapphire and Dos Equiis Beer. I had about 3.5 hours sleep and had a full day and was just. . .giddy. So when Seth Green was dangling off a hot air balloon by hanging onto a cow's udder that sprayed the other guy in the face. . .well. . .I laughed so hard I had a major coughing spasm. I'd like to watch this again and see if it is actually funny.

P.S. (2004), Dylan Kidd, D

Dylan Kidd gets the sophmore slump ("Roger Dodger" was a splendid "B+") and produces a steaming pile of camel dung. A failure on every basic screenwriting level such that even a half naked Laura Linney and a loveably smug Topher Grace (playing exactly 50% his character from "Traffic" and 50% his role on "That 70s Show") can't keep this from sucking something awful. I'm giving this a "D" instead of an "F" for two reasons. One is because there is one good moment in the film (and just like in "Tootsie" it is a necktie scene) where Kidd bothered to actually inject something resembling a theme and, two, I can't give anything with Linney in it an "F." Ipso facto the film has some merit if she is there.

The H is O (2000), Adam McKay, A

I don't normally review shorts or TV, yet this short that aired on TV (Saturday Night Live, to be exact) is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. I had a few drinks at the time, so the memory is hazy, but I do remember falling out of my seat as Glen Frey of the Eagles licked Ben Stiller's face and then forced him to sexily eat dog food.

The Woodsman (2004), Nicole Kassell, A-

Finely crafted character study about a repentent but unreformed child molester. Kevin Bacon is brilliant and will win this year's Independent Spirit Award. Mos Def, too, is fantastic in a small role. Kyra Sedgwick does her best with a difficult and, ultimately, poorly conceived part. C'est la vie. Nicole Kassell has made a terrific first film and hopefully won't disappear like Kimberly Peirce did after "Boys Don't Cry."

Overnight (2004), Tony Montana & Mark Brian Smith, B-

Comeuppance: The Movie! A fun movie about something not that interesting. One of the world's biggest assholes, Troy Duffy, very quickly jumps to the top of the entertainment pyramid. Why have you never heard of him? Because he is such an asshole (even by Hollywood standards) that the Industry quickly says "we made a mistake!" and rescinds their offer before any of his work (film and music) can see the light of day. Basically you get 45 minutes of watching a guy be a dick, then 45 minutes of gratification as his world crashes in around him. Probably not a very healthy psychological excercise, but fun nonetheless.

36 Filette (1988), Catherine Breillat, B+

Before she moved on to hardcore pornography Catherine Breillat made some lovely little films that would dance around the edges of pornography and if you dared called it pornography it meant you were unaccepting of art. Anyway, this picture follows 48 hours in the emotional whirlwind life of a 14 year old busty French girl on vacation. Why this is legal to rent (through the mails, I'd like to point out!) isn't something I want to get into. . .as there are some eeriily real-looking scenes. And, yes, the girl was 14 was she shot the picture, unless the imdb lied about her age. But pedophilia aside, a typically slow-but-intrugiong picture as only the French can pull off.

Power (1986), Sidney Lumet, B

Slick look at political campaign managers. I expected this to be super-80s and dated, but it isn't. Has there ever been a movie about a political campaign that *wasn't* a jaundiced look at how image trumps ideas? Note: the all star cast is fine here save for the usually great Julie Christie. She musta been huffin' on mounds of blow in between takes or something. . .she is just awful.

Mary Shelly's Frankenstein (1994), Kenneth Branagh, C

Flawed, yes, deeply flawed, but not quite as horrible as I was led to believe. Firstly, as one who's never read the book, I was at first taken with how different this is from the James Whale 1931 version. And through most of the picture I was taken with just how wise they were back then to shelve the melodramatic, rolling thunder plot. It just keeps going and going and gets more absurd and shifts through time and introduces people just to kill them and, frankly, makes it seem that the book was written on a drunken bender. But at other times, and perhaps I must give credit to Branagh's performance in a film loaded with hammy performances, I was moved by the central character's fury with, essentially, existence. The subtext here is rage against the machine, something untouched upon in the original film (which is fine because it has windmills and towers and Karloff's flat head) but shown here in all its frustration and depravity. These moments, chiefly Frankenstein's reactions to death, are striking, perhaps more so because the rest of this movie blows so overwhelmingly. Now -- De Niro. We don't like to admit it, but sometimes the guy is a fucking hack. And he is a joke here. There is a scene here where he and Branagh are angrily philosophizing in a cave and I flashed on those outtakes of Brando from "Apocalypse Now" that you see in "Hearts of Darkness." It's MST3K bad. All said, though, I'm glad that I finally saw this borderline-shitty movie, even if it is 10 years later.

Tootsie (1982), Sidney Pollack, A+

Caught this on TCM's "The Essentials." The script is like an atomic clock. Dustin gets into drag 25 minutes in and by then we've met a half dozen fantastic characters and feel like we know them our whole lives. Perfect economic writing. Everyone has a favorite scene -- mine might be Teri Garr and the chocolate covered cherries. Her performance is hysterical and her character (the insecure and not-very-good faux-jolly unemployed actress) is the part she was born to play. I don't understand how Jessica Lange and not she got the oscar. But I take it back. . .the scenes with Pollack as George the agent. These five scenes kill me every time. Pollack's timing is wonderful. But, no. . .the party scene at the beginning. . .with Hoffman hitting on every woman there babbling about auras and Bill Murray waxing over his rain-drenched dream audience. . .surely that's the best scene. Or the wacky shopping montage? Or the big "live" climax? Who can choose?

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Stanley Kubrick, A+

In the top ten? Maybe, sure, why not? I'll tell you this, though. . .the last time I saw this, in the late 90s, I delighted in this being a period piece. It seemed altogether prescient today. Who'd'a thunk Major Kong would ever morph into our Secretary of Defense? Funniest scene: President Merkin Muffley's first phone call to Premier Kissoff. I could watch Sellers stammer for hours and never stop laughing.

The Ladykillers (2004), Coen Bros., A-

The most criminally overlooked film in years. If you expect everything to be Fargo of course you will be disappointed. I liked this even more the second time; has as many quotable lines as any of their non-Lebowski films. See it again (and leave the subtitles on to really dig on the verbiage) and then come back to me. Also, and it pains me to say this, Tom Hanks is fucking genius here.

Is Paris Burning? (1966), René Clément, F

Could be renamed "Is Jordan Sleeping?" French cinema has so much to be proud of so it needen't worry that it can't produce a proper All-Star 3 hour war epic. Boring and confusing and completely lacking in subtlety. And (probably) improbable. I have nothing nice to say about this movie.

Aria (1987), Robert Altman, Bruce Beresford, Bill Bryden, Jean-Luc Godard, Derek Jarman, Franc Roddam, Nicolas Roeg, Ken Russell, Charles Sturridge, Julien Temple, B

An overall fun concept. In 1987, when MTV still played videos and those videos were just become overblown lavish micro-epics, why not invite a number of great directors to pick a favorite aria and shoot its video any way you like. Some are more successful than others (thumbs up Julien Temple, Jean-Luc Godard and Franch Roddam; thumbs down Robert Altman and Derek Jarman) but overall this makes for an innovative and interesting sound and light show. Of particular note is how many future young stars appear in this as young, very naked women. I'm thinking of Elizabeth Hurley and Bridget Fonda, and a fully clothed Tilda Swinton.

Narc (2002), Joe Carnahan, D+

There are five or so scenes when a thick Ray Liotta gets really angry and shouts and curses. Those scenes elevate this trite assembalge of cliche up from dreadful to nearly watchable.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004), Kerry Conran, B

Yes, of course, this movie is asinine. But it's the good kind of asinine. It looks marvelous (I literally gasped a few times) and the old movie tropes are quite fun (and I giggles many more times.) Esoteric New York references abound as do movie references. I caught a nice "1138," plus Gwyneth Paltrow quotes Thom Matthews in Dan O'Bannon's brilliant "The Return of the Living Dead": How can you kill someone who's already dead? Or, was she quoting Celia Montgomery from "Ultrachrist!"?

Car Wash (1976), Michael Schultz, B

This is a movie about men who work at a car wash. They come in in the morning, make wise cracks during the day, then go home. Somehow it all works. Some of the comedy misfires, but some of it is damn funny. The few dramatic scenes, oddly, are very effective. Anyone who's worked a shitty punch-the-clock job can identify. And the soundtrack kicks much ass. Ann knows all the words to the title song!

Two English Girls (1971), François Truffaut, D

It. . .never. . .ends. Truffaut, creator of some of cinema's most memorable characters, plays against his own strenghts to create a stiff, bourgeois melodrama. All the negative aspects of Merchant and Ivory are here, with none of the positives. This is the type of movie his "real" characters from The Last Metro or Bed and Board or (oddly)Jules and Jim would scoff at. I add oddly as the plot to this and Jules and Jim are kinda similar and, indeed, they are based on works by the same author. Anyway, everyone misfires once in a while, bully for FT for trying different things, I guess. The music is nice. But the dramatic close-up of burst-hyman-blood is very unnecessary

The Swimmer (1968), Frank Perry, B

Let's hear it for the late-60s pseudo-intellectual head trip movie! Fitting perfectly on a double bill with Frankenheimer's Seconds, this smaller film stars Burt Lancaster as a delusional Connecticut man "swimming home" through a series of his neighbors' backyard pools. At each stop things get a little weirder until he finally makes it home to his punchline. Far too much of this film is spent focused on the obvious "mystery" of what really waits for Lancaster. And between each episode we are submitted to a pretty laughable psychedelic sound-and-light show. Still, I must give this film points for trying; it does lend itself well as a diving board (ahem) to philosophical arguement. Is it a death hallucination like some say is found in Point Blank? Is it a birth hallucination like some say is found in 2001? Is it just an opportunity to see Lancaster's bare ass? Either way we win.

Sunrise (1927), F.W. Murnau, A-

Like a virigin on her prom night, I am so glad I waited. I finally saw what Cahiers du Cinema dubbed the greatest film in history in an actual theater. Murnau's classic fable, kinda like The Wizard of Oz meets Fargo is a fairly decent arguement for the addage that sound ruined pictures. A great story, remarkable imagery and a fantastic performance by Janet Gaynor. Hot stuff.

The Transformers: The Movie (1986), Nelson Shin, D

Now here's the story. I used to love the Transformers. My cousin David and I would play with our Transformers (and their red-headed stepchildren, the GoBots) and we'd watch the Saturday morning cartoon. But, by the time the movie came out in 1986. . .I guess I kinda outgrew them. Sue me. So I never saw the movie. That's why I give this the thumbs down, but can't stop thinking about "Tron." If I'd seen this in the theaters, and not "Tron," I'm sure it'd be the other way around. There are major probs with this movie though -- there is no introduction to any of the characters or conflict here. I've read that that was by design. . .it was simply meant as a continuation of the TV series. Fine -- but, oy, who can watch robots shoot at each other for 90 minutes and not get bored? I will give this movie credit for an unexpected John Steinbeck joke. (Yes, I'm serious.) And when I saw Soundwave the Decepticon I nearly jumped off the couch -- I remember when I got Soundwave for Chanukah.

Lovely and Amazing (2001), Nicole Holofcener, C-

Well intentioned character study collapses under the weight of its own self-importance. Kinda like a lighter version of "The Hours" in this regard. Not one of the characters develops or goes through any change, with the possible exception of the actress, who learns to accept her vanity. It's funny, because the shallow actress is the only even slightly likable character in this whole story. Ann was truly repulsed by this film -- a collection of horrible, selfish people, she called it. And the Jake Gyllenhaal subplut is just shoddily developed. Still, anything with Catherine Keener in it can't be that bad. Is there anyone who plays a bitch better than her? I much preferred Holofcener's "Walking and Talking."

Tron (1982), Steven Lisberger, B

The truth of the matter is, this is an ejoyable film. Sure, you can watch it at age 29 stone cold sober and it still won't make any sense (despite desperate theft from "Star Wars"), but it is giddy fun and the rotoscoped black & white is a completely sui generis look. There are some obvious gaps and I'm 99% certain it's due to cut scenes, but it is fun to notice that Jeff Bridges' Flynn is not that far away from The Dude. Furthermore I saw this at age 7 or 8 and never had my mind so blown away before.

A Wedding (1978), Robert Altman, B+

Altman at his lightest, funniest and most (hiccup) Altman-esque. 50 speaking roles and a topless Mia Farrow. Nothing really important to take away from this movie, but a number of remarkable little moments. One scene in entirely in Italian without subtitles, yet it is absolutely breathtaking. Sadly, I saw this in pan-and-scan, which is a total disaster given Altman's penchant for packing his frame and using zooms.

Medium Cool (1969), Haskel Wexler, C

This was one that I shoulda left in my memory. Somehow I'd convinced myself this was the quintessential late 1960s picture. It is, though, only average. The story is kinda poor and the documentary-lite footage really isn't THAT remarkable either. Also: one could argue that this film is extremely exploitative. What Wexler famously did was drop his actors in the middle of the 1968 Chicago riots and gave them one direction -- stay in character. It was a unique move -- however, if you feel that the 1968 demonstrations were a righteous uprising of a large group of people fighting for peace and justice, then to "borrow" that background for your little (poorly developed) story may just not be that cool. And when you learn that the famous line ("Look out, Haskell, it's real!") was dubbed in later. . .it just makes me thing the whole endeavor is lame. Yet there is enough meta-textuality to keep any undergraduate busy though -- indeed, I recall writing a paper on this one back in the day. And that's where the movie belongs. It's history, not entertainment. Maybe I should never revisit "Zabriskie Point" or "Le Weekend" lest a second viewing ruin those, too.

Gore Vidal's The Best Man (1964), Franklin J. Schaffner, A-

Henry Fonda good, Cliff Robertson bad. Sharp dialogue, wonderful photography, predictable storyline. Except for the gay stuff. That was a surprise. Top notch quasi-intellectual soap opera (much like "The West Wing," of which this is basically a prototype) and a fascinating time capsule. Thumbs very much up. Also: I didn't know Shelly Berman could act.

Amélie (2001), Jean-Pierre Jeunet, B

Somewhere below The Royal Tennenbaums and above Big Fish is Amélie. It's an odd genre. Let's call it quirksploitation. There's about 30 minutes too much of Amélie. . .right in the center where she's caring for her co-workers. I've seen the wacky co-workers on a million BBC sitcoms. When we stick to the cat-and-mouse clues-around-the-city love affair, the movie is really cookin'. There also may've been just one too many moments of unexplained poorly rendered digital glows of internal/eternal light after every time something nice happens. But, alas, the pros far outweigh the cons. Ms. Tatou is quite adorable and the voice-over is funny. The scene where M. Kassovitz is dressed like a skeleton going "Wooooo!" into her ear in the funhouse is absolutely inspired.

GoodFellas (1990), Martin Scorsese, A+

This was part of the trinity. I saw this, Jarmusch's Mystery Train and the Coens' Miller's Crossing at roughly the same time. They all went to NYU Film School so I figured I would too. So, basically, I have this movie to blame for not going to a real college and having a real job and actually having more than eighty-nine cents in my bank account. Still -- it is a fantastic movie. Watching it again (for the 20th time, probably, but the first time in years) I was amazed at how much of the cliched Robert De Niro impression actually come from this movie -- a movie he made well on into his career. The furrowed brow, the stammering, the "heh"s -- it all started here. Sadly, this movie spawned a thousand copycats (including Scorsese's own Casino, which is basically the same exact movie -- a good movie. . .but the same movie) and also pretty much invented swaggering dick 718 faux gangster machismo which is a bit of a neauseating thing if you live in New York City. There'd be no Victoria Gotti reality TV show 14 years later if there was no GoodFellas. There'd also be fewer car commercials set to classic rock. Scorsese pretty much nailed the pastiche-of-pop with this film (inventing the practice, really, with Mean Streets in the early 70s) and now, frankly, with very few exceptions, any movie that includes any kind of non-diagetic music on its soundtrack smacks of self-indulgence. Still -- you can't fault a brilliant work for its unfortunate legacy. GoodFellas is genius -- one of the best films ever made -- and connects with me on a deeply personal level. Unlike, say, De Palma's fun but distant crime opera Scarface, which some hold in equal regard. Scarface is spectacle, GoodFellas is character-driven storytelling. But if I was coming of age in 1983 when Scarface came out maybe I'd be singing a different tune . . .

Casa de los Babys (2003), John Sayles, A-

True -- this is a minor film by John Sayles, but it is still absolutely remarkable. Let's not call it a one act or a short story, let's call it focused. First of all, it is fantastic to see Lili Taylor again. The last thing I saw her in (that I actually remember her being in) was the God awful Ransom with Mel Gibson. Anyway, she's terrific. And so is Maggie Gyllenhaal, who has a scene early on talking with her husband on a cell phone. This is a sixty second scene that should be studied in film acting classes. The script is all very basic, plain, nondescript dialogue, yet Gyllenhaal basically runs through every emotion in the dictionary before the conversation is over, showing this with her eyes yet desperately tries to hide this with her voice. It is staggering. A reviewer on imdb put it nicely when he said that Sayles gives himself a setup so rich with possibilities that he'd either have to make a 100 hour film or do what he did here, cut it loose and give you the 90 minute slice-of-life we have before us. First rule of show biz: always leave 'em wanting more.

American History X (1998), Tony Kaye, C-

To answer your question: no, I'd never seen this before. Listen, some things slip through the cracks. Anyway, I know a lot of people love this movie. . .but those who do are chumps. Edward Norton, yes, is great. But, shit, he was great in The Score, too, ya know? There are one or two shining moments (Norton's dinner table speech defending racism) but, all in all, this alleged expose on the White Power movement is a dopey after school special. The turnabouts by the characters are completely phoney and anyone who gives a whit about racial issues in this country can see that this movie probably does more harm than good. The screenplay is horrid and director Kaye (who started in TV ads and music videos) hasn't done squat since. New Line and he got in a battle over final cut on this project -- my gut tells me that the studio saved this from being even worse.

Intimate Strangers (2004), Patrice Leconte, D

Sigh. The first 40 minutes of this movie are absolutely fantastic. And then it just stops. The story just stops moving, yet there's still an hour left of you and your date sitting in a theatre watching. . .something. . .up there flickering on the screen. It's actually quite remarkable from a train wreck perspective. Leconte has made many wonderful films. This ain't one of 'em.

Crimes of the Future (1970), David Cronenberg, B

Here's a movie that makes me nostalgic for drugs. This is now the second time I've seen it and I still don't know what the hell is going on. But who really cares when Ronald Mlodzik, in the role of Adrian Tripod, the chair of the House of Skin and last deciple of the renegade dermatologist Antoine Rouge wears a black peacoat and octogonal-shaped glasses. I haven't even gotten into the buildings -- all of which look like branch libraries on Roosevelt Island. I will not argue with you if you think this movie is bullshit -- or even if it makes you fall asleep. But. . .I dunno. . .somehow it speaks to me.

Revolution #9 (2001), Tim McCann, A-

My friend Garrett, who works as a psychiatrist in a hospital, says this is the most honest portrayal of schizophrenia he's ever seen. It's a very good movie, kinda like a slightly more mellow Requiem For A Dream. Also interesting for movie lovers -- imagine if, say, there were no spaceships in Close Encounters? Then it would be like this. . .

The Hospital (1971), Arthur Hiller, B-

This movie is best watched as a precursor to Paddy Chayefsky's later masterpiece Network. So many elements are the same in both films, yet this somehow feels dated. Network, even though equally rife with 70s references, is still prophetic. Unlike Network, this movie shoots for realism, so the satire isn't as biting. The whodunnit elements fall flat. And George C. Scott is a little over-the-top here, too. But some of the rants are fabulous. I'm being a little generous with my grade, but overall I was engaged in the movie, even though I knew it kinda blew.

Elmer Gantry (1960), Richard Brooks, A

I saw this, or most of it, many years ago. . .but it had kinda melded with Wise Blood, A Face in the Crowd and All the King's Men in my brain. All of these films are great -- the huckster's rise and fall story usually is. Burt Lancaster is just fantastic here -- some of his acting may be a little hammy today, but remembering when he did the bulk of his work, he really is a great link in the chain of naturalistic film acting. Anyway I'd like to see a "promise keeper" modernization of this one.

The Hit (1984), Stephen Frears, B+

Dig this cast: John Hurt, Terence Stamp, Tim Roth (who's, like, 18) and Fernando Rey. And a very buxom Spanish woman. Kind've like a British version of Collateral in Spain (during the day.) The Hit drives nicely and unexpectedly into existential territories, keeping the plot and the "action" very secondary to the slice-of-life feel. When you've got performers like this, it's a safe bet.

Islam: Empire of Faith (2000), Robert A. Gardner, C+

To quote what someone else put on the imdb -- beautiful photography, weak on history. Made me realize how good Ken/Ric Burns actually are at the PBS-doc format.

Cowards Bend The Knee (2004), Guy Maddin, B-

Well, there you have it. Reactions during this film range from "how'd they do that" to "Zzzzzzz." And, yet, it's only about an hour. Film Forum wisely couched this with two of Maddin's earlier shorts, yet, alas, it reminds one that the short film is, indeed, Maddin's perfect medium. This movie is wild, but I can't say I enjoyed it.

Magnolia (1999), PT Anderson, D+

I have officially given Magnolia a second chance -- which at 3 hours and 8 minutes is no small deal. The emporer still has no clothes. Hiring great actors to cry and curse and scream and then to film it with tracking shots and to assemble it with rapid cuts and loudly rising, melodramatic music will make it appear that what you are seeing is really, really. . .important. And you can even get duped for about an hour. The problem arises when it becomes evident that there is no story here. Even the framing device -- coincidences -- is a stretch: what, really, are the coincidences of this story that are presented as so flabbergasting? These people all tangentially know one another and they're all having a bad day replete with overwritten monologues? Here's my epiphany about Magnolia: It is a 3 hr and 8 minute trailer for an unmade movie. If you'd never seen it before and turned the channel to any specific scene (esp. one with Julianne Moore, Wm. H. Macy or John C. Reilly) you'd say "wow! This movie looks terrific! I'd like to see it from the beginning.) Seeing the whole thing gives you no additional insight into any of the "characters" than any one minute clip. This movie, as a script and as an idea and a general product with so much cache, should, really, get and "F," but some of those individual scenes (Henry Gibson flaming it up in a bar? Authors, Chaos vs. Superstring and Rub-a-dub? John C. Reilly flirting with a coke fiend?) are so well played, thanks to the great actors, that I'll be polite and give it the 'D+"

Collateral (2004), Michael Mann, A

Bold statement: this is the best non-documentary ever shot on video. End stop. Bolder statement: this movie would be one of the all time greatest in history if it was shot on film. There is never a reason to shoot on video. I don't know what the hell they were thinking. Now -- luckily -- this is all at night, the camera keeps moving and the backdrop is LA, oftentimes from on high, so it still looks great. And Mann has always been an absolute master at camera placement. Dude just knows where to stick the lens. What about the story? It's great. I bought it. Modern Hitchcock. For most of the time it is a straight, plot-light classic like The Getaway or The Day of the Jackal or Point Blank. Then there is a twist and, what the hell, it works. Jamie Foxx is absolutely terrific and Tom Cruise is too. And, humorously enough, Jada Pinkett Smith plays a character named Annie Farrell.

Dick (1999), Andrew Fleming, B+

Despite the fact that the last third of this film is, to use a sophisticated expression, retarded, the sheer oddity of this project and the wonderful performances net it a worthy "B+." Dan Hedaya deserved a best supporting oscar nod, or, at least, some well-publicized outrage at the lack of a nod for his performance of Nixon -- the second best on the big screen. Kirstin Dunst, who is always good, is indeed quite funny, as is her sidekick whose name I can't seem to remember, despite having looked it up twice. Bruce McCullogh as Carl Bernstein and Saul Rubinek as Kissinger are among the many notable cameos. All around, funny stuff, although I can't imagine someone who isn't into modern American history (or hasn't at least has seen All The President's Men) would like this.

Show Me Love (1998), Lukas Moodysson, B+

A quite nice, small gem of a film rife with both touching and unnerving moments. Touching are the well observed moments of teens laying around on their beds listening to music and trying to figure out their lives; shocking is the unanticipated cruelty that all of the characters -- even the ones you like -- barb each other with at a moment's notice. (Also a little shocking is how close this film comes to dabbling in the general vicinity of child porn. There's no nudity, but there are some just-barely pubescent girls exuding Sapphic horniness on screen and touching themselves. It is never unnatural, but, I dunno, somewhere out there is a guy enjoying this movie for the wrong reason.) The big happy ending felt very contrived, forced and, ultimately, silly -- especially in comparison to the very well-observed earlier parts of the film.

Splendor In The Grass (1961), Elia Kazan, A

While there are a couple of moments in this film that are sub par, the superb quality of the other scenes more than make up for it. Splendor in the Grass treats adolescence like an incurable disease. Natalie Wood looking up at the camera and slowly assuring us "I'm not a good girl" is, like, one of the five most riveting moments in all of cinema. She is beyond magnificent and she even pulls of the going-to-the-loony-bin scenes. (Why do all the women in Kazan's films go crazy?) It is also fun to see the Warren Beatty persona in its embryonic form here. Unfortunately we bring our later knowledge of Warren to this film and it does alter our perception of the character, but you can't fault him or Kazan for that. It's a very original movie and, I think, still resonant today despite the surface changes in our social codes. Has that much really changed? Also -- hadn't anybody in the 1920s heard of masturbating?

Les Carabiniers (1963), Jean-Luc Godard, A-

War Crimes: The Movie! Godard takes his comrade Francois Truffaut's famous claim that one can never make a truly anti-war film and stands it on his head. How about an anti-anti-war movie? Another excersize in Brechtian filmmaking, but this time a little sick and depraved (but still, occaisionally, funny) this is one of Godard's better ones. At 75 minutes, too short to be a straight up "A," though.

Company Man (2000), Peter Askin & Douglas McGrath, B-

Everyone in the entire world hated this movie, but I found it to be oddly charming and funny. And not just because Woody Allen has a bit part in it. (His scenes are some of the lamest.) Alan Cumming as General Batista, though, is truly inspired. The central premise, Douglas McGrath as an inept Yalie stumbling through Cuba as a Clouseau-esque CIA spy, is just enough of a line to pin some good old-fashioned dumb comedy. About as good as a quality SCTV episode -- only about 30 minutes too long.

Heist (2001), David Mamet, B-

Sigh. What is it with Mamet these days? Like Spartan that came out this year, Heist starts out great and then peters out into the rediculous toward the end. Ann and I were literally shouting "enough!" at all the twists and reversals. Rickey Jay is great, though, and anything with Gene Hackman being a superman is definitely watchable (another reason Runaway Jury didn't totally suck.) I enjoyed the baffling one-liners, but Ann found them awful. Among them -- "My motherfucker is so cool, when he goes to bed, sheep count him," "I don't want you as quiet as an ant pissing on cotton. I want you as quiet as an ant not even thinking about pissing on cotton," "You know why the chicken crossed the road? Because the road crossed the chicken," and "She could talk her way out of a sunburn."

L'Atalante (1934), Jean Vigo, C

Call me the Christopher Hitchens of movie fanatics. I wish not to spit in your eye, beloved cineaste pantheon, but I must state: Zzzzzzzz. "L'Atalante" made me and my parents (neither of 'em slouches either in the film buff category) antsy and squirm for the end. Not that it was altogether bad. . . just not that great. I argued that anything made in 1934 deserved some slack -- mom then started to list the great films of the era that didn't make us scratch our heads. The Papa Jules character was entertaining, but not enough to save this. I give this a gentleman's "C" and now will take angry emails from the audience.

And The Ship Sails On (1983), Federico Fellini, A

The Last Metro meets The Cat's Meow meets Those Who Love Me Can Take The Train meets Titanic with plenty of Italian opera, Serbian dancing and a sick, fetid rhinoceros to boot. This movie is absolutely fantastic and, I think, is the best of Feliini's post-8 1/2 movies I've seen.

Louisiana Story (1948), Robert Flaherty, B

A boy. A racoon. An oil derrick. Obviously a recipe for a meaningful ethnographic film. Great shots of nature and industry. Acting, not so much.

Gumnaam (1965), Raja Nawathe, B

Among the stranger movies I've ever seen, Gumnaan is part Agatha Christie murder mystery, part Bollywood musical comedy, part mid-60s LSD freak-out. The musical sequences are great fun (this is what Enid was watching at the beginning of Ghost World) and the alleged drama is fun for camp (Raja Nawathe never saw a reaction shot he didn't like.) Mehmood, the comic actor in the delightful Padosan and 9 million other Hindi films, as the Rowan Atkinson-esque wacky butler, while completely out of place, is nonetheless welcome.

The Corporation (2004), Mark Achbar, Jennifer Abbott and Joel Bakan, B+

The choir was preached to well tonight at the Film Forum. Chuckles, snorts, gasps and self-righteous applause were heard throughout. That and the 145 minute running time (which seemed much longer) made me wish I'd done what I thought I was going to do -- wait for the DVD. Still, a well made movie that makes many good points and cries out desperately for an ombudsman at others. Michael Moore is here acting as comic relief (the man may've had a more lucrative career in standup and sitcoms) as is a bunch of other top shelf lefties any reader of "The Nation" is well familiar with. Which brings me to a point: this movie really lays out the overwhelming power cinema has, as well as its flaws. Nearly everything in The Corporation has been written about in the aforementioned Nation magazine and Harper's (and no doubt other lefty journals; I only read those two.) To actually see images, to hear voices talking about it, to experience the miracle of montage and sound effects and music drives a story home in a way that no muckraking five pages of print can. However, in those five pages lies a depth of inquiry and (in many cases) an understanding of all sides surrounding an issue. I left The Corporation all pumped up in a way I rarely am when I put down a magazine, but I also felt bombarded, spun around and, ultimately, asking more questions.

Vivre Sa Vie (1962), Jean-Luc Godard, A-

I'll admit that when I saw this in high school it was just for the flashes of brief nudity. A great example of Godard's early style, a deadpan character sketch teetering on the edge of documentary, essay and droll comedy. One of Anna Karina's best performances, too.

Black Orpheus (1959), Marcel Camus, B

Fly Pan Am Airways and visit beautiful Sao Paolo, where all the men play drums and the women all lustily shake their breasts! The first hour or so feels like a corny (but enjoyable) tourism ad for 60s Brazil. Then, toward the end, when the Greek myth kicks in, it gets pretty cool. Hell is depicted as modern beaurocracy, not unlike the motion picture Brazil, but that's just a wild coincidence. Ann liked this one more than me. The music is great and I've already downloaded half the soundtrack.

The Lion in Winter (1968), Anthony Harvey, B

Right on the border of A Man For All Seasons and an average episode of "Guiding Light" lies this classic I've been meaning to see for about 15 years. I enjoyed the performances and many of the sharp lines, but found myself with a headache at the end, waiting for all these jerks to stop yelling at each other. No doubt the chief selling point of this movie is the chess-like twists and double-twists as everyone schemes against one another -- but after a while it got overwhelming. I'm not complaining that it was difficult to follow, it just became exhausting; I knew that the scheme of the moment would be reversed in the very next scene and, thus, couldn't get that into it. Too much of a good thing, you might say. Anyway, it's a worthwhile film, don't get me wrong, but hardly the brilliant classic I was expecting.

Spider-Man 2 (2004), Sam Raimi, C-

Has the whole world gone crazy? I like Tobey Maguire, too, but you know what? If I want to see him I'll rent Wonder Boys again. People applaud this movie as being the first super hero movie with a "real" story. That may be, but it's a real story that sucks. The only good part was when Dr. Octopus' arms came to life and killed people in the hospital -- THAT was the Sam Raimi I know. Spider-Man 2 is boring.

Cloak and Dagger (1946), Fritz Lang, A-

A fairly standard spy story; Scientist Gary Cooper works with the Italian resistance to help nuclear physicists escape the Nazis. There are four remarkable things here. A surprisingly anti-Nukes message. A very European feel to the love story. A sympathetic portrayal of Nazi collaborators (what would *you* do?) And one of the best, most clever fight scenes I've ever watched. This plus the Casablanca ending makes for a great picture.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004), Michael Moore, A

Let the Eagle Soar!! Catharsis in a packed theater. No, I don't buy everything Moore is selling, but I buy much of it. And my heart rate was up during most of the film. I left with a headache and Ann cried at the part you were supposed to cry at. This is not gotcha journalism, it is one man's anguished cry against injustice.

Sorcerer (1977), William Friedkin, C+

Friedkin was famously quoted as telling Henri-Georges Clouzot that he wanted to do a remake of his favorite film The Wages of Fear that would be inferior to the original. He suceeded. He didn't make an awful film; there are many remarkable sequences. But this film lacks the sharp charactirizations (although it spends 45 minutes showing convoluted backstory unseesn in the French version) and white-knuckle suspense the setting deserves. Friedkin's version, with its multimillion dollar budget, has flabbergasting photography and great montages. Plus, a neato Tangerine Dream score. I'm glad I saw this important, noble failure of 1970s cinema.

The Terminal (2004), Steven Spielberg, B-

I am being very generous with my grade. Here's why: I enjoyed this. I enjoyed this bad movie. This movie is 100% implausible; the characters are either unmotivated and underwritten or their plot points are jammed in with the subtlety of an offshore oil rig. That said, when you are in each scene it is good fun to watch. Kinda like watching an old movie on TV and thinking, "boy, this is corny, but it's how they did it back then." Also, there's a fine line between verisimilitude and ungodly product placement.

Pulp Fiction (1993), Quentin Tarantino, A

It takes a man of true conviction to admit that one of the most noxious, contemptable people in the public forum has created a work of genius. I hate Quentin Tarantino. If I read of his disappearance tomorrow I'd dance for joy. Just the other day Ann had a thing on IFC with some press conference with him and I demanded she change the channel before I throw up. Still, if you haven't seen this movie in a while (last time for me, I think, was 1999) it still is fucking incredible. Every scene is a gem. Samuel L. Jackson's performance is note perfect. The surf guitar rock is some of the most inspired soundtrack use in cinema history. And the scene with the gimp is just insane. Like Eddie Van Halen, another genius that inspired legions of odious imitators, it is easy to blame Quentin for the god-awful hackwork so many other people turned in after this was made. But let's call a spade a spade: Pulp Fiction was wild and innovative ten years ago and it has not aged a day. It is fantastic, so much so that for a minute I was thinking I might eventually rent Kill Bill Volume II.

Open City (1945), Roberto Rossellini, B-

Band of Italian resistance scurry around trying to outwit Nazis. I know this is one of the most respected movies ever, and maybe its naturalistic elements were remarkable for its time, but it's only so-so today. And the tone is odd: half the time you follow a wacky Rowan Atkinson-like priest making goofy faces, the rest of the time is spent watching people get tortured. It's not a bad movie by any stretch, but I was expecting more.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004), Jared Hess, B+

Great date movie. More Harold and Maude than Welcome to the Dollhouse or "Freaks and Geeks," and this is a welcomed change. Ann loved the costumes (especially his boots) and the W.T. set. I loved the Dragonslayer poster and title sequence. We both loved the Ultrachrist!-style dance number ending. And neither of us particularly minded that there was absolutely no point to this movie at all. Maybe someone will explain the Elvis Costello connection to me. "You're such an idiot!!"

Trembling Before G_d (2001), Sandi Simcha Dubowski, B

The lives of gay and lesbian orthodox Jews. The first thrity minutes is just the freak show you'd think it would be -- then the gears shift and this becomes rather touching. You'd think these people would be filled with rage at a God and religion that rejects them, instead we are witness to heartbreaking stories of hopelessley brainwashed people whose innate difference make them a square peg desperate to fit in a round hole.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Alfonso Cuaron, C-

I spent the bulk of this movie fantasizing about what Hermoine is going to look like in 3 years. The big "explanation" ending inside the tree house was straight out of The Big Sleep and, no, that isn't a compliment. The scripting and staging is just awkward here -- there's acres of exposition. I won't get fooled again, this is the last time I waste energy or money on another Harry Potter movie, especially at two and a half freaking hours!

Shame (1968), Ingmar Bergman, B+

Quite nerve-wracking poem about modern war and its effects on average citizens. Taking place in an alternate universe (or does it?) where nothing quite makes sense and scenes connect with the logic of a dream. . .or in this case a nightmare. Anyway, there are some really gripping images, but also the same old scenes of Swedes weeping and droning on and on about their inability to love. I'd like to see one Bergman film that leaves that on the cutting room floor. What's best is the implication that to survive war one has to be a prick. This is the central theme of Sophie's Choice and what ultimately leads her to what she considers the strong and righteous decision: suicide. In Shame, in order to keep his family alive, Max von Sydow must become a murderer, even killing at random for information and a new pair of boots. Is he a villan or a hero? He's a survivor, and we've all been taught that survivors are ipso facto good people -- but maybe the more rightous thing to do is to roll over and die as Liv Ullman wants to. Lastly, has Max von Sydow ever not been old??

25th Hour (2002), Spike Lee, A

This is the masterpiece Spike Lee has been trying to make ever since Do The Right Thing. It succeeds on every level and is much better than the similar Mystic River. This movie's relationship to New York after 9/11 can respectfuly compare to The Third Man and its relationship to Vienna after WWII.

Lianna (1983), John Sayles, B+

If middle-brow non-lipstick lesbians are your bag, see this film. Actually, this is a wonderfully observed melodrama with many terrific scenes and very indicative of the fantastic films Sayles was about to create. There are moments where it feels a little like regional theater, but given the setting I'm not sure this is a detriment.

Persona (1966), Ingmar Bergman, A+

You ever seen an interview with a newlywed Christian couple who talk about how glad they are that they "waited" until their wedding night? That's me and waiting to see Persona in a movie house. I attempted to see this at the NYU film library freshman year (perhaps it was former film librarian John Schmit who queued it up for me?) but the VHS copy was so washed that I hap to stopp after 10 minutes -- I couldn't read the white-on-white subtitles. Perusing reviews of Persona online it is remarkable how many people compare its experience to one of a novel. I don't diagree that its visceral, empathetic effect is similar to kind usually reserved for literature, but what's neat is how the technique used to achieve this is 100% cinema. Persona is the high watermark of mid--60s modernism, in its psychology, its fashion, its music, its editing, its hairstyles, its title design, you name it. Yet, strangely, it doesn't look dated (So long as Calvin Klein advertises, that is.) Some moments in the film may make you wince with a knowing "WTF?" but those (few) moments only seem indulgent because an innovator like Bergman used them spariningly in 1966 only to be copied again and again throughout the rest of cinema's history. Anyway, if Film Forum was showing Persona again this week, I'd be going.

La Notte (1961), Michelangelo Antonioni, A-

I am a little schizo on Antonioni. I adore two of his well-known films ("Blow-Up" and "Zabriske Point") and loathe two others ("Red Desert" and "L'Aventurra.") This one, "La Notte," did it for me. What can I say? Dig Netflix's stunning blurb: Michelangelo Antonioni's study of alienation and moral decay chronicles a day in the life of a middle-class couple whose marriage has been destroyed by mutual indifference and impenetrable lonliness. Huah!!

Fast Company (1979), David Cronenberg, D

Something we all do is make exceptions for bad art by artists whose other work we like. I admit, I've done this. But no amount of rationalization can save this piece of dreck by one of my favorite filmmakers. I kept waiting for this movie to get weird, and when I realized that wouldn't happen I just waited for it to get interesting. Then I just waited for it to end. Laughable dialogue, horrendous acting, plot devices straight out of "Laugh Olympics," and, best of all, ridiculous balls-out faux-Springsteen rock anthems. I have no interest in drag racing but then again I have no interest in disco dancing -- this doesn't keep Saturday Night Fever from being great. What's fascinating about this whole endeavor is that Cronenberg still seems really proud of it. Maybe it reminds him of his youth. This rates a "D" and not an "F" because much of the documentary-style shooting is quite nice as is the inadvertent time capsule aspect vis-a-vis haircuts and pants.

Rebel Without A Cause (1955), Nicholas Ray, B

Now -- don't get all crazy. I like this movie, I like Nick Ray, I like James Dean. But this is not as good as it gets credit for. For one, the dialogue is awful pretty much from top to bottom. Also, there are some very lame plot holes (why in the hell does Sal Mineo's absent mother keep a loaded gun under her pillow? And why would the loving maid, so worried about the confused, violent boy allow it to stay there?) The star of this movie is James Dean fighting against the pussification of the American male, and those chamber scenes with his father are, indeed, terrific (even if the dialogue is awfully on the nose.) But for a movie with so much over the top drama and obvious confict, there is plenty of ooky subtext. Does Natalie Wood's father ignore her because he is angry at himself for lusting after her budding 16 yr old body? The subtlety of this (and other similar) shades is one of the chief benefits of a 1955 production date. That and a bright red jacket.

North By Northwest (1959), Alfred Hitchcock, A

A full-force hurricaine of entertainment. Big actors, big laughs, big plot twists, big sets. I think this is Hitchcock at his most fun and when he channels all his talents at fun, much like Spielberg with "Raiders of the Lost Ark," it is just remarkable. It was great to see this in a theater, not only from the visual perspective (wow! The U.N.! Rushmore! Matte paintings!) but to gasp with the audience when Martin Landau picks up Cary Grant's matchbook, titter when the cropduster seems to be coming right at us, and to giggle when the train drills into a tunnel. There is some method to the madness (to pun on the title) of this romp, of course. Many of the scenes are meant in a way to subvert the expectations created by the Cary Grant persona and from various "wrong man" movies in Hitchcock's book. I read an important-seeming essay once about NXNW's relevance as Cold War parable, especially vis-a-vis the Mount Rushmore scenes. And I say, sure, go for it.

Coffee and Cigarettes (2004), Jim Jarmusch, A-

Jarmusch's love letter to bullshitting. This "omnibus film" made over decades gets better as it goes on. Like his earlier Night on Earth there are some vignettes more memorable than others. My top three were the two old Italian Americans making crazy hand gestures and eating wasabi peas, The White Stripes playing with a Tesla coil, and New York underground denizens Taylor Mead and Bill Rice acting wonderfully melancholy. There are a few lesser pieces (oddly, the one with Tom Waits and Iggy Pop kinda falls flat) but the good news is you know the next vignette is just around the bend. Fun.

Through A Glass Darkly (1961), Ingmar Bergman, B+

Very effective chamber drama, if you can accept the fact that one of the four characters is, I believe the medical term is, cuckoo. I'm sick to death of stories with characters who are vaguely and eloquently nuts. But Bergman didn't know this in 1961 just like Tennesee Williams didn't know this when he wrote Glass Menagerie or Streetcar. The movie is beautiful to look at and very evocative even if my mind wandered a bit during the midde a little. What is key is that when I wandered I wasn't thinking about my laundry, I was thinking about the little house they were staying at, the clothes they wore, their faces, what was really going on with the brother and sister, etc.

Light Keeps Me Company (2000), Carl-Gustav Nykvist, D-

That's it. I'm purging all documentaries about filmmakers from my Netflix queue. They are all horribly boring. Unless the movie has a unique point-of-view or story to tell, like, say, "Hearts of Darkness" or "Crumb," then you are basically looking at someone's resume. I like Sven Nykvist plenty, but I learned absolutely nothing about his art in this boring talking head filled puff piece.

She's Gotta Have It (1986), Spike Lee, B

I was curious to see if this movie seemed dated today. It does, but not in the way you might think. It seems more like an artifact from the 60s than the 80s. The spirit of the film is jazzy like early Cassavetes or "Billy Liar." In many ways, the creation of digital video has done tremendous harm to the independent film movement. But what about this movie? It's good, a little uneven; there are some truly bad performances, but also some wonderful moments. Spike's sister is cute.

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002), Stuart Baird, C

An average episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation." I hope they make another film, they need to go out on a higher note than this.

The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg (1998), Aviva Kempner, D

Less interesting than your average A&E Biography. Aviva Kempner is an inept director who blew an interesting opportunity here. Only saving graces: "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" in Yiddish and some interviews with the always flabbergasting Alan Dershowitz.

The Five Obstructions (2004), Jørgen Leth & Lars von Trier, B

Very interesting. I can certainly see the appeal for both Leth and von Trier to want to do such a project. Yet I saw it about 4 hours ago and it is almost 100% escaped from memory. But lots of fun while it lasted -- and it is good to see Bob Sabiston's rotoscope cartooning technology worked into a movie again.

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972), Luis Buñuel, A-

I saw the first 40 minutes of this in a class in 1993 and have been meaning to catch the rest ever since. It is a very funny movie, but there's not one joke. A great example of how non-linear storytelling can sometimes get your point across better than any other method. A good double feature with Peter Medak's "The Ruling Class."

Hell House (2001), George Ratliff, B+

Fascinating anthropological film. A frightening postcard from the heart of Bush Country. I once had numerous gin gimlets with director Ratliff at a swank Upper East Side bar on someone else's dime.

Control Room (2004), Jehani Noujaim, A

The greatest documentary about the power of television news I have ever seen. I quote my friend Garrett when he says that every cable package that includes Fox News ought to include Al Jazeera. Al Jazeera is partisan -- but in the story of the Iraq war their side was (and is) right. They then take the ball and roll with is. What's so fascinating, and I don't think the subjects of Control Room would disagree, is that the mucky-mucks at Al Jazeera are very pro-democracy. They are big fans of the American Constitution. If they (and we) could only find a country that adheres to that old documents we'd have something. It is just amazing how I -- someone who has a lot of free time and watches a lot of news -- never realized that the missile attack of the Al Jazeera outpost in Baghdad happened just 1 day before the famous statue of Saddam fell. My consent was almost manufactured.

Shoah (1985), Claude Lanzmann, A-

Yes, I watched all 9.5 hours. I did it in stages over a week. Here were the two big surprises: it does not attempt to be a soup-to-nuts overview of the Holocaust. It's just people talking. No source footage, no narration. It is a polar opposite from the traditional History Channel gig. Second surprise, it is a very spare, simple operation that winds up being very self-reflexive as a sloppy document. It is fly-on-the-wall and, as a result, will fascinate anyone interested in how documentaries are made. The cameras keep rolling as subjects beg to be released. Lanzmann persists, "it is important. You must go on. You must say what you saw." On to the content: Lanzmann, who appears onscreen from time to time with cigarette and blocky glasses pressing recalcitrant subjects, throws you right in to the middle of everything. His subjects don't really follow a chronological or geographic throughline. They are escapees, Sonderkommando, repentant SS, not-so-repentant SS and Polish witnesses of differing ages and perspectives. It was this last group, the quintessential "what could we do?" group that really got to me. When some French documentarian sticks a camera in my face in 35 years and asks me what I did during the invasion of Iraq, what will I say? Anyway, if you've ever gone a day questioning man's inhumanity to man, check this one out.

Tommy (1975), Ken Russell, D

Really bad. Not even "fun" bad. Although Ann-Margaret rolling around in baked beans has a certain quality. The new recordings sound like shit compared to the original, and, even worse, the just-in-the-movie songs and the visual content make the "story" easier to follow. If there's one aspect of "Tommy" that always truly sucked was its "story."

Troy (2004), Wolfgang Peterson, C+

To answer your question: why did I see Troy? A training session I was in ended far earlier than expected and I had a few hours to kill before I went to work. And it was hot. It was between this and the new Jaime Foxx movie; the new Jim Jarmusch film wasn't playing in the area and "Super Size Me" wouldn't let out in time. And I wanted to see Brad Pitt's greased-down ass. "Troy" both could have been a lot better and it could have been a lot worse. There are elements of intelligence peeking through -- mostly the sly way one could equate Hellenic imperialism to the current situation in Iraq. That and Eric Bana is fantastic. He was fantastic in "Black Hawk Down" and I'm starting to think I should see "The Hulk" again, that maybe I was just too sleepy to get it. Eric Bana may be the most exciting big time Hollywood sex symbol star to come along since Russell Crowe. The dialogue is wretched, though, and the film's perspective shifts focus an awful lot. At first I thought this was a subtle way of tweaking our expectations (maybe Achilles is just a douche?) but then I realized it was just confusion. The one-on-one fight scenes are great and some of the battle scenes are cool; some of the battle scenes are CGI-d to death and boring.

A Bucket of Blood (1959), Roger Corman, B

Dick Miller, Bert Convy and Beatniks Beatniks Beatniks! A lonely busboy at the heppest hep spot in all of hepville just knows he has it in him to be a great artist. So what if he can only create by killing! A very funny movie.

Pull My Daisy (1959), Robert Frank & Alfred Leslie, A-

Kerouac raps over images of Ginsberg, Corso, Orlovsky and Delphine Seyrig smoking cigarettes. What more do you want? Dig.

Speaking of Bunuel (2000), Jose Luis Lopez-Linares & Javier Rioyo, B-

Another doc about another genuis. This one stands out a little as it kind've does away with the standard timeline and divides his work by themes. And its use of clips -- short bursts of images -- is refreshingly unique. Bunuel made a whole boatload of movies in Mexico that both a) look awesome and b) I never even heard of.

Melvin and Howard (1980), Jonathan Demme, A

This is the kind of movie that can't be made anymore. If they tried to make it now it would either be too wacky or so low-budget it would look like shit. And it would probably be condescending. The "Milkman" song at the Tiki Lounge is one of the sublime moments of cinema. Anyone who doesn't like this movie has no heart.

Van Helsing (2004), Stephen Sommers, C

Van Helsing starts off as a giddy, smart adventure picture not too removed from Stephen Sommers' previous The Mummy, but ends up a drawn-out bore of bad special effects much like The Mummy Returns. Also -- somehow they managed to un-sexy Kate Beckinsale. I remember her being attractive, but here her face looks like a horse. And her attempt at an Eastern European accent is laughable. (But you can't single her out for bad acting. Hugh Jackman, much sexier here than Kate B., is dreadful, too.) Points must be given, though, for the central premise (Dr. Frankenstein's work was actually commissioned by Count Dracula) and the determination to cram in every classic horror trope from werewolves to Jekyl & Hyde -- not to mention the very entertaining premise that the Vatican has a confessional that doubles as a secret elevator to a secret chamber where secret clerics (of every faith!) make James Bondian weapons for fighting sin. There, I just spoiled the movie. Catch it on cable.

Le Joli Mai (1963), Chris Marker, A-

I feel very at home in the Paris of the early and mid sixties. Certainly more than today's Paris. My younger years, thanks to Truffaut, Malle, Godard, Resnais and others, are oddly associated with French social movements (and architecture!) that happened ten years before I was born. What can I say? Marker shoots a month in the life of the city -- his camera examines the city and its people like the Pathfinder examined Mars. Fitting snugly on the shelf with "Diary of a Summer" and "I Am Curious (Yellow)/(Blue)" and Marker's own later, brilliant "Sans Soliel" (and, to a certain extent, "Koyaanisqatsi" and Linklater's "Waking Life") this is great, free floating, random stuff that exudes a spirit. This isn't Marker's best, but compared to other documentarians it is a remarkable cut above.

Images (1972), Robert Altman, B

A pretentious jumble, but as pretentious jumbles go this is a good one. Not very "Altman-esque" -- imagine if a disciple of Antonioni decided to film one of Polanski's classic descent-into-madness films. The meta-lesson of this film, I suppose, is that if you want to see the world through the eyes of a true schizo, the movie wouldn't make any sense -- and probably be aggravating. And it is. Worth checking out.

Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean (1982), Robert Altman, C

Finally, Karen Black in the part she was born to play: a post-op transsexual!! This movie (filmed play, really) has fine performances from Sandy Dennis and Cher and Kathy Bates, and has some good scenes, too. What it suffers from enormously, though, are plot twists that are supposed to be revelatory but one can see coming down Broadway. I'm not usually a guy who can effectively say "I know whodunnit" early in the picture (odd, considering how many movies I watch -- but I was relieved to read that critic Stuart Klawans is the same way) however I predicted the entire outcome of this film at about the fifteen minute mark. Only recommended for those of you are fascinated with the hideous Karen Black.

Schindler's List (1993), Steven Spielberg, A-

This is one of the best movies ever made -- right up until the last twenty minutes. It doesn't just slightly unravel toward the end, it lands with a dense thud. The screenplay, so smart and sophisticated, basically becomes "E.T." I actually don't mind the delivery of the famous "I could have done so much more!" speech at the end. I think it is earned and well-delivered (Liam Neeson is brilliant throughout, as is Kingsley and Fiennes) but one can't deny that it is there for the audience: yes, there is cruelty in the world but so long as you go to a serious movie once in a while and have a good cry you are absolved. But let's not dwell on that. The first forty-five minutes (there is no brutality at all in the first forty-five minutes) is actually a fascinating look at free markets through the eyes of a war profiteer. It makes you think Dick Cheney may soon have a change of heart. Despite all the hoopla, "Schindler's List" is at its best when it sticks to a strict character portrait of Schindler. The grander tableau of holocaust atrocity, in a way, undercuts his story. I didn't notice it the first time, but I noticed it tonight. And, frankly, the knot in my stomach during the atrocities wasn't too bad -- maybe its the great B & W photography. Polanski's "The Pianist" gave me a headache for at least a day, and Tim Blake Nelson's "The Grey Zone" -- the most brutal holocaust film ever -- made me sick for almost a week. Seriously. Anyway, the movie is still a remarkable achievement and I am glad I revisited it (although I also scoff at Ben Kingsley holding "The List" like the tablets of the Ten Commandments -- something else I missed the first go round). If you're like me and haven't seen it since the theaters, rent it.

Death of a Salesman (1985), Volker Schlöndorff, B

Boy, this movie sure is important. That's the number one takeaway you'll get from watching this. "This is important." It's a good production, but Dustin Hoffman, when he isn't doing comedy, annoys me pretty quick.

Wet Hot American Summer (2001), David Wain, A

"Fuck my cock!" A revolution in comedy. 80% meta-comedy, 15% dick & fart jokes, 5% Jewish jokes. This is the high water mark of post modern comedy. And it is fucking hilarious. What's wierd is that it took a rekindled interest in Janeane Garafolo (due to her new liberal radio show) for me to get off my ass and rent this -- especially wierd when I tell you that I actually spent 2 wet, hot ambivalent summers at the very camp this was shot at. Anyway, genius. 71% of the critics on Rotten Tomatoes panned it. Did they like Lenny Bruce or Monty Python or George Carlin or the Kids in the Hall when they first hit the scene. This movie is that good.

The Pillow Book (1997), Peter Greenaway, C+

Greenaway inadvertantly presents a perfect metaphor in this film. It is all about the wonder and power writers ascribe to caligraphy. Never do they talk about storytelling. "The Pillow Book" is beautiful to look at, but its content rings up "No Sale" on my cash register. (I don't know where that came from, but if you like it I got more.) Stick with "A Zed and Two Noughts" or "The Cook, The Thief. . ." and hope you see the best segments on this with its sound off in a bar somewhere. (Actually, the soundtrack is really great, too. I'm off to LimeWire in an attempt to find the Chinese version of "Rose, Rose I Love You.") (Also, with all the cool in-camera effects, the lighting, slide projection, hours & hours it musta taken to scrawl Japanese letters on Ewan MacGregor's foreskin. . .you think any of the technicians wanted to turn to Greenaway and let him know that all their hard work was going toward something with a small kernal of a neat idea but, let's face it, a meandering and boring-as-hell end product?) (Also, I do have a general respect for Peter Greenaway. He approaches movie making fror a perspective entirely his own. I have only seen 5 of his films and I intend, eventually, to see them all.)

The Swarm (1978), Irwin Allen, "A"

"The Swarm" may be the best bad movie I've ever seen in my life. I compare it with "Plan 9 From Outer Space." I compare it with "Robot Monster." What makes "The Swarm" so sublime is that the cast is so respectable: Michael Caine, Henry Fonda, Ben Johnson, etc. The moments of zen are almost too many to count. Let's start with the General who announces with gravity that the unidentified mass on the radar is travelling at "Seven Miles an Hour!" Then there's the fact that anyone who survives a bee attack hallucinates the same giant bee is coming to get them. The movie also features little kids throwing Molotov cocktails; a man on fire, being stung by killer bees plummeting to his death by crashing through a skyscraper window; asshole entymologists standing up for the rights of the "good honeybees"; and two of the most baffling reaction shots in the history of cinema. 1) Michael Caine, a bad-ass entymologist who doesn't like authority, is given one humanizing trait by genius screenwriter Sterling Silliphant: he likes sunflower seeds. He is always eating sunflower seeds and keeps them in a leather pouch. When his mentor, wheelchair bound Henry Fonda, arrives at the underground bunker by helicopter, the first thing the two comrades do is chow on some sunflower seeds. Then the General, played by hardass Richard Widmark, marches over to the two eggheads and starts barking orders. Cut to a reaction of Henry Fonda and Michale Caine (how many Oscars do the two share?) and what are they doing? They are chewing. They are both chewing sunflower seeds. 2) Caine convinces Widmark to try one last crazy scheme to kill the killer bees. (Never mind that every other idea Caine has had resulted in thousands of deaths.) Ya gotta picture the scene -- a tan room in an office building. Wall to wall carpeting. Old computers running graphics that look like "Battlezone" and "Tempest." Widmark in a General's uniform. Caine in a turtleneck and sports jacket. Random 70s dude with big glasses kinda leaning over one of the computers. Widmark gives Caine and 70s dude the go-ahead. So Caine gives a big boyish grin and turns to Mr. 70s. But Mr. 70s is so laid back he can't move his body. He just extends his hand a la Disco Stu. So Caine -- Caine the actor -- is so obviously perplexed by this awkward blocking that he grabs 70s dude by the hand and by the forearm -- and just kinda jiggles the arm that won't budge off the computer. The shot is held and then we cut. It is the most fascinatingly baffling transition I've seen since the center-out wipes that dominate "Battlefield Earth." Anyway, I'd like to start a drinking game where everyone does a shot of mead (honey wine) whenever Michael Caine or Richard Chamberlain shouts "killer bee!"

The Saddest Music in the World (2004), Guy Maddin, B

If this were thirty minutes shorter I'd say it was the greatest student thesis film I've ever seen. As a theatrically released feature, I'd say it has some definite flaws, but one must give credit for pluck and originality. Shot on a hodgepodge of stocks the picture quality ranges from your Dad's old Super 8 to F. W. Murnau. The central premise, a talent show to determine which country's indiginous music is the "most sad" strangely works. Isabella Rosselini and Maria de Mederios are fantastic. Former Kid in the Hall Mark McKinney is all schtick. That he resembles so many of his former sketch characters (and that KITH's commercial bumpers were always shot in Super 8) make for some inadvertant humor. I'm glad I saw this but I wish it had one more screenplay pass and a sharper cut.

Exotica (1994), Atom Egoyan, B+

I liked this movie a lot more this second time. It really does convey sense of sadness and loss. And so many of the scenes, especially Elias Koteas' monologues, just sing. The problem is this movie has more wacky coincidences than your average 'Seinfeld' episode. And the whole egg-smuggling thing is just dumb. Still, Egoyan is a whiz with tone -- and his movies always leave you with a feeling of "Wow, that was heavy."

The Grapes of Wrath (1940) John Ford, A

Tom Joad: I been thinking about us, too, about our people living like pigs and good rich land layin' fallow. Or maybe one guy with a million acres and a hundred thousand farmers starvin'. And I been wonderin' if all our folks got together and yelled -

Ma Joad: Tommy, they'd drag you out and cut you down just like they done to Casey.

Tom Joad: They'd drag me anyways. Sooner or later they'll get me one way or another. Till then -

Ma: Tommy, you're not aimin' to kill nobody.

Tom Joad: No, Ma, not that. That ain't it. Just, as long as I'm an outlaw anyways, maybe I can do something, just find out somethin', just scrounge around and maybe find out what it is that's wrong and see if they ain't somethin' that can be done about it. I ain't thought it out that clear, Ma. I can't. I don't know enough.

Ma: How am I gonna know about ya, Tommy? They could kill ya and I'd never know. They could hurt ya. How am I gonna know?

Tom Joad: Maybe it's like Casey says. A fellow ain't got a soul of his own, just little piece of a big soul, the one big soul that belongs to everybody, then -

Ma: Then what, Tom?

Tom Joad: I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be there in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be there in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they built - I'll be there, too.

Ma: I don't understand it, Tom.

Tom Joad: Me, neither, Ma, but - just somethin' I been thinkin' about.
***
John Ford, Gregg Toland (before "Citizen Kane"), Henry Fonda, John Carradine, a script lifting whole blocks of text straight from Steinbeck. This is one of the few examples of the movie being as good as the book. Not better, but not the usual feeling of incompleteness. Most of the gratitude should go Toland's way -- as this type of cinematography was almost unseen in a Hollywood production at the time.

Anyway, when do we do the remake set in Indonesia?

Barbershop (2002), Tim Story, B-

"Friday" is a lot funnier. This had one or two decent laughs in it. What else has Eve been in? She's terrific. And why doesn't she have a last name? Names like Cher and Madonna and Bono and such are esoteric enough to deserve no last name . . . but Eve is just a name? Anyway, she's terrific and sexy. I am now a huge Eve fan, whoever she is.

The Purified (2002), Jesper Jargil, B

The four original Dogma 95 filmmakers kick back on the couch, watch clips from their films, argue philosophy and admit their compromises. Lots of fun. (Odd that of the 4 original Dogma movies, the only one I haven't seen is the one in English.) Every day Lars von Trier and Dr. Jurgen Fauth become more and more the same person in my mind.

Muriel, or The Time of Return (1963), Alain Resnais, C

I expect to be baffled once in a while during a Resnais film. It's part of the landscape. Normally, that moment of aggrivation is alleviated by an otherwise worthy film. I'm not 100% sure Resnais deserves leeway here. I think Resnais started out filming a "regular" movie (the first half is great) and then panicked, shot a zillion scenes that amounted to nothing, and then decided that a stew of fragmented lines, glances and camera set-ups would make up for it. Not quite. The first half is good, though, and it is worth checking out if you share my odd obsession with early 60s modern European apartment complexes.

Day of the Dead (1985), George Romero, B-

"Night of the Living Dead" is filled with moody tension. "Dawn of the Dead" is a giddy and sick romp. "Day of the Dead" is more like an essay, an examination of humans under horrible conditions acting. . .horrible. It surely isn't fun. (Not all movies have to be fun.) It isn't even scary. It's more. . .depressing than anything else. If you buy into the premise of these films at all (and the central premise, while idiotic, is presented so well that you can't not buy into it) then this dark, nasty, ugly film will just fill you with a sense of gloom. I had a headache after watching this -- much like after a night of hardcore Fox News. Is it a good movie? I guess. I never want to see it again, whereas I'm considering buying the DVD of "Dawn of the Dead."

The Man Without A Past (2003), Aki Kaurismaki, A-

Terrific movie. Imagine a dude who looks like cross between Liam Neeson and Morrissey who gets amnesia and hangs out with squatters in Finland. Great tone -- like Jim Jarmusch or early Jonathan Demme. I didn't quite get what the love interest's thinking was, but that's okay. This is a really hip film, although it did bother me that the dude's abandoned container is better furnished than my apartment.

Midnight (1939), Mitchell Leisen, B+

Claudette Colbert, John Barrymore and Don Ameche and their shenanigans in Parisian high society. Witty script, great performances and fantastic supporting characters. Script by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett.

Annie Hall (1977), Woody Allen, A+

The best. A rocket ship. Ann had never seen it and it came on TCM the other night. Thank God she loved it.

'ARE 'ARE (1979), Hugo Zemp, D

I don't know about you, but I think a documentary about the bamboo-flute playing history of the Solomon Islands has the potential to be great fun. Hugo Zemp thinkins fliming the backs of peoples heads as they stand in a circle going "toot-toot" is compelling ethnographic cinema. Ann and I were asleep in no time. And I made her go all the way to the Upper West Side for this. I owe her one.

The Target Shoots First

The 9/11 commission will make everyone look bad -- but it will make Bush look worse than anyone. What to do? Attack first -- try to make the commission irrelevant. First on the chopping block is Jamie Gorelick. Brit Hume spends ten minutes blasting her on Fox and Air America has to waste time defending her. Same as they did with Clarke. Same as Bill Repsher did with Michael Moore -- but when Repsher does it it's cute.

Dawn of the Dead (1978), George Romero, B+

"Night of the Living Dead," probably because of the ultra low budget, doc style black & white, is actually a scary film. This movie isn't really scary but incredible fun. It also captures the madness of dream logic and is, plainly, just sick. Even though it is funny, intentionally, it treats its central premise seriously and is just brutal in terms of violence. All essays out there about the commentary on consumerism are welcome, but unnecesary.

Dogville (2004), Lars von Trier, B

David Cronenberg has something that now belongs to Lars von Trier: the sui generis award he received at Cannes for "daring, originality, and audacity." Actually, Cronenberg's "Crash" is a more consistent film. Lars' movie is like Lars himself, overflowing with so many bold ideas that only some of them get fully cooked. There were moments so sublime in this film that I wanted to throw both arms in the air and shout "Yes!," and there were sequences so preposterous and idiotic that I was embarrased for everyone involved. Von Trier is like Frank Zappa -- he sometimes makes you wade through a bunch of atonal noise before you hit that perfect guitar solo. Anyway, there are great moments in the film, and the film will be remembered as a landmark for decades to come. It deserves this status. The big problems are the inexplicable changes the two lead characters go through in the last act. And the shooting style. I dig the stage-set, but why shoot on DV and hand-held? And why use jump cuts? I know why -- because von Trier didn't really know what the hell he was doing and figured just shoot and shoot and make go in the editing room. (This is also why the film is 45 minutes too long.) Von Trier hasn't really made a "designed" theatrically released film since "Zentropa." Shooting documentary style has served him well up to now, but the tone of "Dogville," its actors and set deserved a tripod, 35 mm and some decent coverage. And there were moments when the dialogue just zoomed off into places the characters would never go; it was obvious these were talking points in the director's notebook that had to be fit in the film somewhere. Other complaints: the narration was overkill. And Chloe Sevigny is a terrible character actor. Let her play a young urbanite like in "Last Days of Disco," but for God's sake please stop putting her in period costumes. But why focus on the bad? There is a lot of good. It's an original movie. The closing credits alone is the best short film I've seen in a while. And the non-Sevigny performances are great. I don't know why people are referring to this as an anti-American film. It is misanthropic, but the characters and themes are not inherently American. If this small town were in France or Germany or anywhere else it would've worked the same.

Battlefield Earth (2000), Roger Christian, C-

Is it THAT bad? Yes, it is THAT bad. Is it FUNNY bad? About half the time it is FUNNY bad (thus the "C-") so it is worth checking out if you are into this sort of thing. Unlike the films of Ed Wood, you can't revel in its charming low-budget, but you can marvel in its total misplaced confidence. And the fact that 98% of the movie is shot with a cocked-angle camera. Only Forest Whittaker seems to be winking, but maybe that's just me hoping. At first I thought Travolta's dastardly quasi-British accent (I half expected him to tie women to train tracks) was meant as some sort of Johnny Depp subversion -- but no, it is just bad acting. With the L. Ron Hubbard connection, one can certainly call this Travolta's "Passion of the Christ." If only there were more Scientologists out there this'd've made as much dough as Mel's awful (and less humorous) picture.

Night of the Living Dead (1968), George Romero, B+

Good fun. Still effective, probably due to the Black & White photography. All essays out there searching for a connection with race relations are interesting, but probably unwarranted.

The Bounty (1984), Roger Donaldson, A+

This version of the story is more about sex than the honor, toil and starvation that are key factors in the other depictions. If only Bligh would've went out to the island on those hot nights, or at least touched himself when he was alone sweating in his cabin, things would have been all right. Or would they? Was Fletcher Christian a sexual powder keg ready to go off as soon as he saw the sexy dames in their grass skirts? Could no amount of waving Union Jacks ever brought him back to England, even if the Captain of the Bounty was easy like Sunday morning? Or maybe Bligh and Christian just wanted each other -- they were rather "fond" of each other at the top of the story, despite their class differences. We'll never know. But this film, with its Robert Bolt dialogue and its Vangelis score, is just about perfect. I saw this at the East Brunswick mall with my dad at age 10; he made me promise not to tell my mom there were naked chicks in it.

Mutiny on the Bounty (1935), Frank Lloyd, A

The story of the Bounty is, I think, one of the most important stories of all time. I rank its magnitude and influence with that of the story of Job and, I dunno, the Gift of the Magi. The basic tenent is this: you are here on Earth -- you wanna hang out and have fun, or do you want to work hard and achieve? That's the core of it. Stay with Bligh and suffer -- but work at what was then the apex of scientific and physical labor -- or say "fuck it!" and eat bananas with hot chicks in the sun? This being the more Hollywood of the two good filmed versions of this story (the Marlon Brando version from the early 60s blows) it does its best to tie everything together in a nice bow. It invents a character that was not part of the history -- Mr. Byam -- to act as the audience's eyes and ears and also the film's moral center. Sure, Bligh is a jerk, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'd like to think I'd have the cojones to stick with Fletcher Christian and reject the world outside and play in the sun all day. Anyway, this is a fantastic movie, even if it does get a little facile from time to time. Clark Gable actually shakes his fist at the ceiling and grumble "Mr. Bligh. . . ." as if he were Bill Shatner cursing Khan. Charles Laughton's eyebrows and lips are some of the more remarkable facial features in cinema history and he uses them miraculously here. I actually own this DVD (and the 1984 Mel Gibson version) so I'm up for a Bounty double feature any time.

The Death of Klinghoffer (2003), Penny Woolcock, B

One of the most odd, innovative films I've seen. "New" composer John Adams wrote this opera years ago and it is filmed like a real movie -- on an actual ocean liner and on locations that double for Israel/Palestine. All the dialogue is sung, and sung like a "new opera," which makes this both fascinating and irritating. Unfortunately, I don't have much taste for this kind of music -- it all sounds like recitative to me. Scenes in flashback are sung by a chorus and those are chilling. The screenplay does its best to show "both sides" of the Achille Lauro highjacking -- though one will always fall short trying to make terrorists who shoot an innocent man in a wheelchair sympathetic, no matter how many black and white images of a razed village are seen. Interesting film, 80% bad music.

Fiend Without A Face (1958), Arthur Crabtree, B-

Not good enough to be taken seriously, not bad enough to mock MST3K-style. If you can make it past the sleepy first hour there is a very good third act of slimy brain-monsters making slurpee noises crawling around the floor and jumping on peoples' heads. To many of us, this is worth the wait.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotlight Mind (2004), Michel Gondry, A-

Preface to my thoughts on this film: Anything with Mark Ruffalo in it is automatically worthy of your time. When oh when will someone cast Rufalo and Kevin Corrigan as brothers in some sort of cross-country crime caper? Anyway, I found this gimmick-heavy picture to just zip along like a great guitar solo. I found myself engaged by the schtick of the mind-twist story, tickled by the many camera (and computer) tricks and moved by the spotlight on the fragments that make up a relationship. I'm sure someone else said it, but if Philip K. Dick wrote "Annie Hall, " it would look like this. The characters do take a back seat to the gimmick here -- but Winslet and Carrey do a good job making something from nothing. There was enough there there for Ann and I to agree that they'd surely break up again in a few weeks. When was the last time you actually talked the lives of a film's characters after the credits rolled? I liked this movie an awful lot, though wouldn't argue with someone if they thought it was facile. And more of a full, emotional experience than "Being John Malkovich" or "Adaptation." I intend to see Kaufman's other two produced screenplays, especially "Human Nature," also directed by Gondry.

The Ten Commandments (1956), Cecil B. DeMille, B+

Sorry if I sound a little sleepy. Watched ABC's 4.5 hr broadcast of "The Ten Commandments" last night. Ahooga! It's a big wacky epic, like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, with a little less action but certainly more oiled up manly chests and fake beards. Best use of color film up until David Byrne's "True Stories." Also, best use of Anne Baxter's ample bosom (as it was called in those days) in sheer silk veils. It did strike me that Moses and the Lord-Our-God did use pretty standard assymetric terrorist methods, relying on collateral damages, to acheive their politcal goals in freeing the Israelites from bondage. Where does Amnesty International stand on first-born smiting? Also, how great is this sequence: Moses is on top of Sinai (getting a blood test, I guess) and watches the flaming hand of God scribble in stone Thou Shall Not Kill. DeMille even emphasizes that Commandment more than the others, placing the camera in front of the stones, so that the flaming, uh, pen shoots right into our faces. Not TWO minutes later, Moses climbs down the mountain. He sees people who "will not live by the rules of our God" (let's not get into the fact that none of them have had the time to read the rules; we'll accept the fact that Moses is prescient.) So what does Moses do? He KILLS them! He kills them because they refuse to live by the rules. . .rules like Thou Shall Not Kill. To paraphrase Nathaniel Graves in a film directed by Kerry Douglas Dye -- Moses is a chump!

Who Killed Teddy Bear? (1965), Joseph Cates, B

Unlike most famous bad movies, this bad movie isn't really that bad. Yes, the structure, screenplay and some of the acting is confusing and dreadful, but "Who Killed Teddy Bear?" compensates with a surprising (for its time) depiction of sexual deviance. It's all very shallow, but the cop who plays tapes of rape victims describing their attackers in front of his daughter and the odd pick-up lines "can I buy you a frankfurter?" make me think there may be something deeper going on. But you could counter this with the train wreck dreadful performance of the retarded sister, trapped in the closet, talking about a new brassiere size. Oh, and I haven't even mentioned Sal Mineo in his tighty-whities. Or Elaine Stritch vying for Bea Arthur's title as woman with the deepest voice. Or that the director of this film is Phoebe Cates' father. A curious motion picture for the sex fiend in all of us.

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994), Mike Newell, C

It being out for 10 years now, I figured it was time I checked this out. Richard Curtis is a genius at one very specific thing: writing for side characters. This movie stinks, though. Stick with "Notting Hill" or anything Curtis wrote for BBC Television. Also -- Andie MacDowall? She is the most wooden, bland and unappealing woman in this film. It is impossible to understand what Hugh Grant sees in her, especially when comparing her to the spunky redhead, the stunning Kristin Scott Thomas, or even, hell, the charming Scottish gay dude. Looking at this and the rest of his work, I don't understand how Mike Newell pulled off the fantastic "Donnie Brasco."

Talk To Her (2002), Pedro Almodovar, B

I'll once more paraphrase my favorite professor of TV, Media and Culture from Columbia University: I admire the technique, but it just doesn't hit me on a gut level. I'll continue to see Almodovar's films, admire them from afar, and not quite get them. Fantastic score, though.

Victim (1961), Basil Dearden, B-

This socially conscious procedural film is fun to watch, but not quite for the reasons it intended. "Victim" was made when homosexuality was illegal in the UK (this was the first movie in which the word "homosexual" was uttered in the English language) and it dared to tackle the issue of the rampant blackmail epidemic terrorizing gays in high places. Dirk Bogarde (natch) is the gay barrister who stands up for his rights to bend over! The blackmail and detective angles are a bore, but the social elements are fascinating. Certainly liberal in its approach, the film sides with the gays, but the codes of the time are kinda funny. 'Cause they're not just gay, they're British! So, basically, everyone in the film either acts outlandish like Dr. Smith from "Lost in Space" or fumphering and uptight Major from "Fawlty Towers." This aspect gives this "C" movie the "B-" grade.

The Ladykillers (2004), Coen Bros., A-

Only a handfull of laugh-out-loud moments, but big, big smiles from beginning to end. Really well done and fun. My favorite aspect: how Joel and Ethan have completely out done themselves with G. H. Dorr, Phd ("that's a lot of letters!") and his absurd use of language. Since their first film they have dabbled in silly syntax, perhaps reaching a zenith with George Clooney's character in "O Brother." This film raises the bar exponentially. So much so that Irma Hall, playing the elderly black woman, is heard remarking, "enough with the double talk!"

Robot Monster (1953), Phil Tucker, "A"

I rented this because, in a documentary I saw recently, a guy acted surprised when he learned Ed Wood didn't direct it. It has most of the hallmarks of Wood -- maybe a few fewer large blocks of dialogue spewed back and forth -- but certainly this movie competes with Wood in the categories of acting, production value and logic. The main conceit, if I have this right, is that a fat man in a gorilla suit and diving helmet with TV antenna glued to the top can kill everyone except for the small family that happens to live down the block from its cave. Can't go into why just now, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that the patriarch of this family can't pronounce the bad guy's name correctly. There are far too many delightful, baffling moments to list here -- from the futuristic "space platform" clearly being held up by a human hand, to the soliloquy of the Ro-Man who asks, "To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?" Suffice it to say that this movie was spoofed in Season One of Mystery Science Theater 3000. "Robot Monster" is a real treat and I am indebted to the schmo who mistakenly mentioned it in that other film I saw. Oh! Elmer Bernstein does the score. I kid you not.

The Passion of the Christ (2004), Mel "My Father Never Lied To Me" Gibson, D-

I expected gore. I expected a movie with a lack of subtlety. I expected anti-semitism. There was one thing I wasn't anticipating. This movie is BORING. The first 45 minutes are confusing and desultory -- then FINALLY there is some violence. To answer a few key questions: I didn't see this in the theater. I got it bootlegged on the subway for $5 on DVD. The quality of the transfer isn't great, but it is not any worse than a previously viewed VHS. Anyway, the thing that sucks most about this boring, plot-less movie is that it is totally for insiders. As other critics have pointed out (and the two funniest and best reviews I've read have been by two of my heroes, Katha Pollitt and Kerry Douglas Dye) the proverbial aliens from Mars would have no clue as to what is going on in this film. The only backstory, the only thing in the film to make you care about the dude getting beat up and all the women wailing, is a flashback of him making a table. So all of my future screenplays will have table-making scenes in them, in the hopes of grossing a few extra hundred million. But as someone who has seen a lot of Jesus films, I was able to follow most of it. Whenever I wondered "who the hell is that guy?" he would get offstage and I wouldn't worry about it anymore. Anyway, the real epiphany I had watching TPOTC was this: This isn't a "real" movie. It's a special interest title for enthusiasts. Like those skateboarding tapes shot on grainy stock or a Yes concert from the 80s with cheesy video graphics. If you live for skating -- or for the harmonies of Jon Anderson and Chris Squire -- you'll dig those movies no matter what. If you are really keen on Jesus, you'll dig TPOTC. I like a good legit Jesus flick: "King of Kings," while it dabbles a bit in kitsch, is a great production; "Barabbas" is a fantastic picture; "Jesus Christ Superstar" kicks much ass. Gibson's heavy-handed, inarticulate and lumbering movie has none of the integrity of those other films. Two other points. If Gibson is so keen on verisimilitude (although with the exception of J.C.'s feet getting nailed, I didn't find the gore THAT bad) why are all the characters white? Only Simon of Syrene looks like he could live in Judea. Also, anyone who says this film isn't anti-Semetic is an idiot. That's not a reason to dislike the film, though. The shoeshine scene between Fred Astaire and the "Shoeshine Boy" in "The Bandwagon" is abhorrantly racist, yet it's still a great film.

Saturn 3 (1980), Stanley Donen, C-

Two words: Train wreck. How could Stanley Donen, who started his career as a choreographer, stage some of the lamest and confusing chase and fight sequences I've ever seen? How could anyone have thought it was a good idea to see the aged Kirk Douglas' bare ass? How funny is it to see Harvey Keitel's voice dubbed by the dude who played the angry dad in "Amadeus?" How much did Martin Amis (!) get paid to pen this awful screenplay? At 88 minutes, it's a train wreck I almost-sorta recommend for people who like to watch big stars in make bad movies. Also, Farrah Fawcett can't act for shit. In this, she's like the Goldie Hawn "dumb blonde" from Laugh-In, but without the irony. With today's wonders of cosmetic surgery, she ain't even that good looking. To say something nice, though, the helmets they wear are cool.

The Man From Elysian Fields (2002), George Hickenlooper, D-

Awful. Awful. It wants to be an updated "Sunset Blvd." with a twist. It is, though, absurd, laughable and filled with plot holes the size of Ted Kennedy's head. The only thing even remotely of merit is, surprisingly, Mick Jagger's performance in a side role. His dialogue is appaling but, maybe 'cause I didn't expect it, he can actually act. I rented this because Julianna Margulies was in it -- and she doesn't even wear sexy outfits.

High Society (1956), Charles Walters, C-

I always found "The Philadelphia Story" a little overrated, but this musical remake is pretty damned awful. The scenes with Sinatra aren't too bad (Frank does a good "Frank" here) and the musical numbers (Cole Porter) are pretty good. But the stretches between songs seem never ending, and Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly are not Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. Also, Louis Armstrong delivers one of the more embarrasing Uncle Tom performances in history. Even by 1956 standards it is stomach turning.

Epidemic (1988), Lars von Trier, B+

107 minutes of mental masturbation. As one who likes to mentally masturbate, I found this quite a delight. (And although it doesn't happen until the last scene, there is some trademark von Trier cruelty-to-women. . .in case you wore worried.)

The Day of the Jackal (1973), Fred Zinnemann, A-

The more I think about this movie, the more amazed I am by it. It is 100% engaging -- and yet nothing happens. It's two hours and ten minutes of buildup, followed by thirty seconds of action. The movie is just plot plot plot. Keep it moving. No time for character depth, yet by hiring good actors and having clever dialogue the movie hints that it COULD have character depth if it wanted to, it just chooses to stick with the procedure. This is also fascinating as a house of mirrors period piece -- to see how 1973 portrays 1962. This would make a great double bill with "Black Sunday." (They are basically the same film, but since this is about France it feels a little classier.) What's also interesting is that you aren't watching "The Jackal" plan his crime -- we're just watching him move around, kinda discovering things. He isn't all that great of a planner -- he just has the will. This movie is the polar opposite of "In The Line of Fire." Same subject matter, but that's all about characters being clever and "human." Here, they are just making connecting trains. Lastly, The Jackal would never have been caught if the OAS had a heavy donor to put some cash in the kitty. It was robbing the banks to pay Jackal's price that tipped the cops off.

The Cat's Meow (2002), Peter Bogdanovich, B

Fun to watch, but I think this movie wants to be important and weighty and Shakespearian and it doesn't quite succeed on that level. Also, Eddie Izzard, who I think is great, is kinda miscast as Charlie Chaplin here. Edward Herrmann as Hearst is terrific, though.

The Big One (1997), Michael Moore, A-

Moore's second documentary feature is his most desultory, but also his funniest -- and probably the one whose politics I agree with most. Basically a collection of vignettes as Moore travells the country shilling for his book "Downsize This!", Moore eats fast food and pisses off corporate management. The recurring problem is this: corporations making record profits continue to close American factories to move them to other countries so they can make, as Moore says, "a little bit more." The flaks say it is to "remain competative." That's about as far as the debate gets, but it is pretty hard not to side with the people who work in a factory for 20 years then show up one day to get axed. In typical Moore fashion, he does take his grand conclusions a little too far, but it comes from the right place. Its also a little weird to see Democrats and Clinton get so much abuse. If he only knew what was just around the corner.

Return of the Seacaucus 7 (1980), John Sayles, B

I guess the most shocking thing about this movie, seeing it for the first time in, like, 13 years, was that this is really an AMATUER production. And this made me feel great. Because John Sayles would later go on to make some flawless, A+ productions in "Passion Fish," "City of Hope," "Sunshine State" and maybe one or two others, too. I can feel better about "Ultrachrist!'s" flaws now. "Seacaucus 7" might have been better as a play. It starts off pretty forced. And the acting, yeeeesh, some of the acting (particularly the women) is dreadful. But why the "B" -- a relatively high grade? Because by the end of this picture, somehow, you've grown to really understand and care for these characters. I don't know how, but it happened. Also: naked David Strathairn and John Sayles, both looking pretty damned cut. And, rambling drunk bar talk about the merits of Prog Rock.

Character (1997), Mike van Diem, B+

A wildly original story -- about a young man abandoned by his father, yet also strangely smothered by him. All he wants to be is a good bureaucrat. This movie is shot (and scored) like a Spielberg film. That's meant as a compliment. I loved that this movie took place in Europe back in the day and had nothing to do with either war or class divided romance. The story could be anyplace, anytime. (It just looks cooler in 20s Rotterdam.) I didn't quite "get" what some of the characters were up to by the time the film wrapped up (was the Mother a bitch? In whose interests was she working? Certainly not her own) but in all I recommend this curious, beautiful looking film.

8 Short Films (1957-1962), Roman Polanski, B+

Or, Disc Two of Criterion Collection's "Knife in the Water" package. Polanski's shorts are dialogue-free excersizes that walk a fine (and fun) line between Beckett-esque absurdity and amorphous dread. Just like his features. Some are better than others. My favorite isn't the celebrated "Two Men and a Wardrobe," but "The Fat and the Lean," a jazzy short featuring Polanski as an impish valet who must amuse and serve his slobby master all while ankle-cuffed to a stinking goat.

Kingdom of the Spiders (1977), John "Bud" Cardos, B-

William Shatner is the rootin' tootin' desert cow-doctor (named "Rack") battling thousands of poisonous, hungry tarantulas. The first half is worthy of MST3K-style mockey; the second half is actually scary. It'll make you itch.

Hidalgo (2004), Joe Johnston, D+

Gorgeous location photography and out-of-control costumes (snooty Malcolm McDowell looks like the dude from the Monopoly board) can only get you so far. This script is filled with gaps, lacking in any real characters and the whole endeavor feels like it is directed by a robot. Odd, as Joe Johnston made the superb "October Sky" just 5 years ago. Most offensive was the tacked-on references to slavery and Native American themes which seems to be out of some guilt for showing a rootin' tootin' cowboy defeating the A-rabs at their own game. Further offensive was Omar Sharif ritually abusing his daughter, treating women worse than any of the horses on screen, then shown as a good guy. Chutzpah points all around, though, for ending this dreadful picture with hundreds of Arabs chanting "Cow-boy! Cow-boy!" And for repeatedly cutting to a close up of the horse (who I swear had digitally enhanced whites-of-the-eye) for a cheap laugh. Still, over 50% of the film belongs on a postcard - saving this from the "F" its script and direction deserve.

Spartan (2004), David Mamet, B

The first half of this movie just hums along beautifully. Just awesome. The second half is what I imagine a typical episode of "CSI" is like. Ironic, as all the investigating and clue-hunting happens in the first half. The second half, with its catastrophic consipracies, just feels like TV.

House Party (1990), Reginald Hudlin, B

A really sweet, good natured movie. No doubt it rates higher simply in comparison to the shoddy, often violent other urban youth films. The first 10 minutes kinda blow, but once they get to the party it is, as they say, all good. There's even some subtle anti-Establishment stuff in there. "House Party" is marred by the awful B-story of the three bad guys, one of whom affects an awful Curly Joe voice, who are out to "kick some fuckin' ass." Great performances from Robin Harris, John Witherspoon, Martin Lawrence and "Kid." Where the hell is "Kid" now? He's a genius!

End of August at the Hotel Ozone (1966), Jan Schmidt, C

Here's a movie that just doesn't live up to its potential. After the nuclear holocaust there are 9 survivors: a sturdy woman in her 60s and eight budding late teens. They run around the ruins of society killing animals for meat and rummaging through other peoples' mail. Then they meet an old man at a hotel. Just when you think the story is going to do something cool, take a Werner Herzog turn, more mediocrity. Beautifully shot, though.

Ikarie XB 1 (1963), Jindrich Polák, A

a/k/a "Journey to the Center of the Universe." One of the most beautiful and simply spellbinding science-fiction movies I've ever seen. If Antonioni were to shoot an episode of "Star Trek," it would look like this. It's got, like, a decadent lounge scene for astro-physicists! There are some story complaints; the story is kinda weak, frankly. A group of explorers explore, think about giving up, then find what they are looking for. And there is a climactic showdown that feels really forced -- I even chalked it up to being a symbol for some Cold War trope I didn't understand. But this is MORE than made up for in cinematography (it isn't Black & White, it is Silver) and mood. This movie put me in a Movie Trance. It takes a lot for me to totally forget my surroundings and get 100% in The Zone. "The Return" a few months back came close, but it hasn't really happened since last October's screening of Chris Marker's "Sans Soleil." Anyway, the audience was absolutely buzzing after the screening at MoMa. A common comment was how much Gene Roddenberry cribbed from this.

The Jester's Tale (1964), Karel Zeman, A-

Imagine if Danny Kaye starred in a Marx Brothers film directed by Terry Gilliam. A very funny poke at Nationalism featuring a simple farmer who winds up the center of a futile, feudal war. Great range from low comedy schtick to serious satire. Beautifully photographed and assembled with mixed-media -- stop action, matte paintings, cut-out animation -- in a way that the Czechs really know how to do.

Straw Dogs (1971), Sam Peckinpah, A-

I think much like Mel Gibson probably isn't an anti-Semite, but has made an anti-Semitic film, Peckinpah may not have intended to, but he's made a mysogynistic film. There are only two females in the film. There's the young girl from the town, who only wants to screw screw screw, even if it means going around with the town idiot/manchild. Susan George portrays a character sui generis in cinema -- the unsympathetic rape victim. The only thing on her mind, really, is getting screwed screwed screwed, but she also wants the toaster fixed. She's bratty and annoying from the get-go, tinkering with the difficult scientific work Dustin Hoffman's character is struggling over. She also delights in teasing the workmen, one of whom is an old lover, who finally rape her. She puts up a long fight during the rape, but eventually gets into it - so no doesn't mean no in this film. When rapist one turns her over to rapist two she fights all over again. However, later in the film she still calls out to rapist one for help in turning on her husband. It is also implied she had a delightful incestuous relationship with her father. Luckily for Peckinpah, it's not just the women who are portrayed repulsively. There are no likable characters in the picture. We kinda stick with Hoffman, but much of the time we think he's either a wimp or a jerk. But all this aside -- is "Straw Dogs" a good film? Yes it is. It has characters worth arguing and thinking about, lots of sick psychological stuff and some dazzling violence. It's a good yarn -- the slow vice-grip yarn -- but there is a lot "more" happening. The essays and tone poems of Violence (big V) as pointed out in the commentary track. Some of it is a little on-the-nose, but lots of it is creepily subtle and subversive. Lastly, I think the whole film can be seen as a parable for Israel circa 1967. Give me a little while and I will cook this idea up and post it.

Fox And His Friends (1975), Rainer Werner Fassbinder, A

Fassbinder writes, directs and stars as a dopey but well-meaning young gay man who walks into a web of manipulative bourgeous snobs. This movie is remarkable on many levels. Foremost is its main character. He's likable, despite the fact that he is a promiscuious cruiser. This character -- even if he was straight -- would be a bad guy in an American movie. But here he's just a likeable guy who also likes get laid! It's, like, just deep background on his character. The more I think about it, this is the most interesting movie about gays I've ever seen. I think that, because it isn't American, it isn't hung up on morality at all, and instead focuses on the way a group of jerks, who happen to be gay, act. But it doesn't ignore that they are gay. The men taunt one another like jerky guys taunt one another, and this bleeds over into sexuality. There's a lot of talk about who's got a big johnson -- and these conversations are fascinating in their multiple levels of irony. RWF himself has got a rather large johnson himself, isn't shy about showing it, and perhaps that explains how he had the confidence to make so many films in such a short lifetime -- who knows? R.W. Fassbinder is an alarming gap in my film history. He's a major figure to most cinemaniacs and I've seen two of his films in my entire life. Luckily, there are 26 titles available on Netflix. I tweaking my queue radically as of this evening.

The Last Man on Earth (1964), Sidney Salkow and Ubaldo Ragona, B

I watched this because the back of the box said it would be the 1924 silent film about a man forced to repopulate the world with space-age hot chicks in Jetsons-like outfits. Instead I got the 1964 AIP production of the book "I Am Legend," which later became "The Omega Man." Vincent Price plays the part Charleton Heston would later sqeeze his meaty hands around. The Price film isn't really an action picture, or a horror picture. In fact, it isn't much fun at all. It's a dark, meditative film about death and solitude with a couple of zombie killings thrown in. The result is oddly fascinating. Price can't act for shit, but he really tries here. The deaths of his wife and child aren't done up "chiller theater," and aren't good enough for real melodrama. But it *is* scary, just because the tone is so strange. I can't imagine drive-in audiences liking this, but I can imagine the French.

Good-Bye Lenin! (2004), Wolfgang Becker, A

Preston Sturges does the Reunification of Germany. Actually, I expected this movie to be funnier. It is funny at times, but it isn't really a flat-out comedy; it's much more. This is a testament to the insane contortions one will go to to protect the people they love. The script is rock solid. The premise is exploited to the hilt and there are quite a few little "perfect moments." Great side characters, too. How do you make a packed auditorium cry? Show a young man being kind to his mother. Anyone who doesn't find this movie both charming and anthropologically fascinating is an idiot.

The Brainiac (1962), Chano Urueta, B

Holy smokes! A wild, unintentional comedy, this unintelligable historical horror film features brain-eating, burning-at-the-stake, mystical comets, swanky lounges and a formal dinner at a castle. Not quite as awful as the work of Ed Wood, yet, perhaps, a little stranger. Nothing -- NOTHING makes any sense. Best is the bad guy sneaking away during important scenes to snack on the giant chalice of brains he keeps stashed in a trunk. No, best are the faces the "frozen" men make as their wives' brains are sucked out. No, best are the keystone cops brandishing flamethrowers that obviously don't do squat, yet still foil the beast. No, best are the unmotivated claws the 17th century Baron has when he re-appears in modern Mexico to avenge his unfair Inquisition. Oh, this movie just has so much to offer. We watched it as a group and were much entertained.

Knife in the Water (1962), Roman Polanski, A

The biggest little movie ever made. Restricted by budget, Polanski's first feature would eventually inspire a million low-budget pychological thriller remakes. The star of the movie is unspoken tension. The original is still the best.

The Lost Honor of Katherina Blum (1975), Volker Schlöndorff and Margarethe von Trotta, B+

Part of what makes this West German procedural so neat is that the protagonist walks the line between victim, angry feminist and anti-hero. There aren't easy answers here, just as there aren't easy answers as to what to do with the men locked up in Guantanamo. Where's the remake? Love the creepy apartment building, too.

Bitter Moon (1992), Roman Polanski, A

I thought I'd seen this before. I hadn't. It's fantastic. 100% sick and twisted, featuring two and 1/2 of the most loathsome characters ever seen on screen. What none of the critics I've read seem to get is that this movie is *funny* (in parts.) Peter Coyote, an actor I never thought too much of, is brilliant here -- and only the ghost of John Cassavetes could have done better. What's kinda neat is that, the way this is presented, it's done in Old Hollywood form -- meeting on a boat, wearing dinner jackets, telling interrupted stories. It's only the (somewhat) graphic sex and the sick mind games that make this modern. An interesting genre revision, I suppose. Anyway, strongly recommended.

The Plumber (1979), Peter Weir, A-

Rock solid psychological horror film. Great performances and hands-off direction. Someone like Polanski or Cronenberg would make this movie completely differently (and they both have, really, with "Repulsion" and "Shivers" respectively) but Weir's take is also worthy. Only in 1977 would a sympathetic character be angling for that hot UNICEF job in Geneva.

The Cars That Ate Paris (1974), Peter Weir, B-

A real midnight movie. Gets sillier as it goes on, excellent use of ironic music cues. I can't say I really knew what this was a metaphor for -- and I'm going on faith that it was a metaphor for something. Unfortunately, this movie is marred by the poor performance of the leading man.

The Last Emporer: The Director's Cut (1987), Bernardo Bertolucci, A-

The original cut of this movie changed my life. The first "art film" I saw in the theatres (twice) -- this may have been the first movie that effected me in equal parts for its story as well as its cinematic technique. It is an explosion of visual and aural delights that have never been matched. Part of the dissatisfaction with "Kundun," I recall, was that it all paled in comparison to "The Last Emperor." The famous shot early on, where the yellow curtain billows up and the young Emperor runs to play with it and the camera tracks in to reveal his worshippers -- that shot, that MOMENT -- I assign you the task of finding me three other shots in all of cinema as breathtaking. (I'd also like to point out that this shot contains no computer or digital effects, Mr. Peter Jackson.) I'm hardly someone who gets that excited over clothes, but the costumes in this movie had my jaw open -- and not just the traditional Chinese costumes. The whole second half of the movie -- after they leave the Forbidden City -- may be less obviously glitzy, but it is not in any way lacking in tremendous artistry. The director's cut takes the 2 hr 40 min picture and inflates it to 3 hrs 40. Some of the added scenes provide some neat backstory at the top of the film, but the bulk of the additions are, frankly, boring political scenes of Pu Yi in Manchuria before WWII. Not only does it bog the movie down, it sends it spiralling off focus, making the original film's symbolic, Shakespearean storyline too specific. The movie is still wonderful, but this bloated mid-section in the "director's cut" takes "The Last Emperor" from the "A" or even "A+" it deserves to an "A-."

Last Tango in Paris (1972), Bernardo Bertolucci, A

When it is all said and done, this film represents the high watermark of European Art Cinema in its impact in American culture. Luckily, the product still holds up. The two key ingrediants are Marlon Brando's heartbreaking and unpredictable performance and Vittorio Storaro's framing and use of camera movement. The greatest portrait of grief on film ("Mystic River," for all its noble and remarkable performances will always be marred with the contrivance of plot), "Last Tango" leaves you emotionally drained, shaken, puzzled. The people in this movie behave like people in our world. Also -- Maria Schneider's large, pendulous breasts and prodigious bush make for a startling, recurring image.

Morvern Callar (2002), Lynne Ramsay, A-

A mesmerizing character portrait with just a dash of morbid wit. 90% visual, never boring, unpredictable, just plain awesome sensory filmmaking. It would be easy to screw this up, but Ramsay knows what she is doing. I wish there were a subtitle feature on the DVD; the Scottish accents are so thick I had no idea what they were saying. It really sounded like a foreign language. Luckily, this movie really isn't about dialogue -- the script was probably 35 pages. Also, lots of busty women in their underwear, to which I say, "huzzah!"

The Rules of the Game (1939), Jean Renoir, A-

Very effective critique of social classes. "Gosford Park" without the murder. Until the murder at the end. I was a little annoyed at the shooting style; some close-ups would've been nice. There's a nice sequence of wacky slapstick to the tune of "Die Fledermaus" as well as the famous, weighty eve-of-WWII pheasant & rabbitt hunt sequence. This was Truffaut's favorite movie, so, you know, that's gotta mean something. I wouldn't want to watch this again and again, though.

Semi-Tough (1977), Michael Ritchie, B

Now this is one fascinating flick. Burt Reynolds, Kris Kristofferson and Jill Clayburgh in an Altman-esque pro football story. There's a nice tangent here poking fun of est with Burt Convy (!) as a Werner Ehrhard type named Friedrich Bismark. I can't say this movie is good, but as a time capsule of insane "adult" 70s cinema, it's some kind of semi-classic.

Intolerable Cruelty (2003), Coen Bros, A

Watching this again let me sink my teeth into the side characters, the details. This is a real Coen Bros. movie, even if they didn't create the material. I do think, though, that Catherine Zeta-Jones, while beautiful and probably the only one who could've played this role, does miss a few opportunities for comedy. The first dinner sequence between her and Cloony -- imagine if it were Frances McDormand or Judy Davis. Either'd've nailed the wine vintage gag better. But who would look like C Z-J in those red dresses?

The Target Shoots First (2000), Christopher Wilcha, B+

The best of a growing sub-genre -- the 90's bubble workplace doc. I prefer this to "e-dreams" and "Startup.Com" because it is all verite, very little commentary. And I understood what the company did.

The Spider's Stratagem (1970), Bernardo Bertolucci, B-

I wanted so much to like this movie more. Becuase it looks absolutely fucking fantastic. Every still is a postcard -- but the film isn't even MADE of stills! The sweeping lateral tracking shots are gorgeous. No other word. The story, however, is based on a J. L. Borges short story and it shows. It's kinda devicey and hard to grasp. Ann and I turned to one another at the end and uttered, simultaneously, "Twilight Zone episode." And that's really what this is. The most beautiful and elegant Twilight Zone episode ever shot.

La Luna (1979), Bernardo Bertolucci, B+

This movie is just crazy enough to work. There are flaws. Like, for one, I couldn't tell if the lead actors were brilliant or awful. (If you consider that young lead Matthew Barry left his acting career to become a casting director, this might shed some light.) And there are a handful of scenes that just kinda go on and on. The 142 minutes should have been 120. Still, there are moments here that are just staggering. And, yeah, the drug addiction and incest are shocking, but less so than the camera work and overall tone. The non-verbal pre-title sequence had me in a sweat it was so good. The big ending, while a little silly from a story perspective, had members of the AMMI literally shouting "Bravo!" (The ending is at an opera, so it kinda worked.) Recommended.

Stardust Memories (1980), Woody Allen, A+

I may be overdoing it with the "plus" attached to the "A" here, but you can not overstate how important this movie was to me growing up. Not only is it funny and beautiful (Gordon Willis, DP, and Mel Bourne, designer, really knock it out of the park) but the movie has a fatalistic melancholy that really resonated with me at age 13. Also, the movie is "deep." It really is. And it is all earned. This was probably the first "deep" movie that resonated with me (probably because it is also funny and dazzling visually. It's running on Sundance channel a lot these days, so do yourself a favor and check it out. I like it better than "8 1/2," the movie it so brazenly rips off.

Last Year at Marienbad (1961), Alain Resnais, B

If Cassavetes invented jazz cinema with "Shadows," Resnais fired back with the invention of grand atonal symphonic cinema in "Last Year at Marienbad." It is a beautiful film -- it is an infuriating film. Pauline Kael called it a hoax and Woody Allen's character in "Manhattan Murder Mystery" thought it a bore. It isn't exactly entertainment, and while it threatens, at times, to be boring, it is mesmerizing. I'm gonna quote a man named Matthew Wilder who really nailed it in his blurb on the imdb, "But there remains an astounding mixture of total abstraction and heady sensuality in Resnais' hypercontrolled style, in which every nicety of framing and speed of camera movement seems dictated from a cloudbound meeting of the gods. The novelist-screenwriter Alain Robbe-Grillet's metaphysical riddle--did or didn't the lovers meet last year at Marienbad?--is left open to the audience's contemplation by Resnais, who turns the baroque surfaces of the movie's pricy world into a smooth, flat plane that evokes the paintings of Mondrian." The creepy haunted house music, which plays under 95% of the film, doesn't hurt in creating mood, either. Everyone interested in cinema, art in general ("Marienbad" belongs more at the Whitney than at Loews) or those old Calvin Klein commercials owes it to themselves to watch at least 45 minutes of this film. I won't strap anyone down to watch the rest, as there's really no advance in story or plot, and you really can check out of this hotel whenever you wish.

So Close (2003), Corey Yuen, C

I find little mirth in the Hong Kong action genre. I guess if I ever have lunch with Quentin we'll have to dance around this issue. "So Close" has many dizzying sequences, making this one of the best Hong Kong action pictures I've seen. It is also chock full of the worst dialogue, plot and (ahem) character development I've seen in a good while. I can't say I gave this film my undivided attention after the one hour mark. (Why does the boyfriend, when he wants to show how much he cares, hand the girl a microwaved bottle of Poland Spring?)

Raising Victor Vargas (2003), Peter Sollett, B

The first half hour is like watching an episode of the Ricki Lake Show, but as the characters stopped frontin' and got real, as it were, I was won over. Good little movie with fine location sound recording.

Fury (1936), Fritz Lang, A

Score! Fritz Lang's first American picture is fan-fucking-tastic. I can't believe this was made in 1936 -- before "Citizen Kane." Strictly on a formal level, this movie employs cinematic devices well ahead of its times. The cuts, dissolves and transitions are spectacular. The story, a rumination, really, on mob violence, stays dark and true, even with its tacked on ending. Never saw this before and real glad now that I have.

Logan's Run (1976), Michael Anderson, B+

One of the all time great Saturday afternoon Channel 9 movies. Take the look of "THX-1138" and the goofy fun of "Escape from New York" mix in an orgy scene and you have yourself a great picture. I didn't remember the ending being so corny, but I also forgot about the evil robot sentry named "Box." The carousel, hologram, and dialing up "the circuit" scenes are worth renting this again.

Big Fish (2003), Tim Burton, C+

Oy. I wanted to like this movie. And I kinda liked the last half-hour. The first half-hour, I thought, was awful. So, by comparison, everything after it just got better. I just didn't dig the format -- and I don't think I dig the message. What is the message, really? Lie to your son? Big Fish seemed to me so obviously a book that should have stayed a book. There are a few neat ideas in here, and that's what gives it the "C+" -- but all props go to the book's author.

Monster (2003), Patty Jenkins, A-

I didn't want to see this either. But I did and I am glad. Both C. Theron and C. Ricci are dynamite. Ricci's character, actually, might be the more fascinating of the two. A few things held this movie back from being truly outstanding. One was that I always felt like I was watching a piece of propaganda -- that just comes with the territory of telling this story, I suppose. The other was that there were two identical scenes of shot/reverse shot of the two main characters Shouting! Their! Secrets! And! Feelings! At! One! Another! The dialogue fell apart in these obvious scenes and, to make it worse, there was music underneath. The film had worked so hard to achieve a wonderful naturalism and these scenes threatened that. But it is Jenkins' first feature, so she gets a pass. Plus, it's good to welcome a good American female director, as there still are so very few.

Runaway Jury (2003), Gary Fleder, C-

Pretty damned poor. Two good things, though: 1) the initial jury selection sequence at around the 15 minute mark was wild. 2) Recognizing, at the 60 minute mark, that Dustin Hoffman's awful fake southern accent makes him sound like Tootsie.

The Tenant (1976), Roman Polanski, A

Dear God, I love this movie. This is a movie that lives up not only to its fullest potential but the fullest potential of cinema as an artform and an entertainment. It is chock full of ridiculous red herrings that may drive some folks nuts, but I believe that's part of the fun. In "The Tenant" we watch a man descend into paranoia and madness, though we're not exactly sure why. And it's funny! Roman Polanski stars in this film and he is wonderful -- he's got a vague Dustin Hoffman quality that's fantastic. This movie also features the scariest bathroom in cinema. Seeing this for the second time doesn't make it make any more sense ("Rosemary's Baby," for example, has everything spelled out for you at the end) but I think this is one of the creepier movies I've ever seen in public. The audience, which was doubling over with situational laughter in the first reels, became silent and tense and uncomfortable throughout the final half hour. Exactly as they were supposed to.

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992), James Foley, A+

"Fuck the Machine. Fuck the Machine? Fuck the Machine!" I spend a lot of time during this picture trying to figure out who's performance I like the best. Everyone is given at least three instances in which to shine -- except Jonathan Pryce who isn't allowed to finish a sentence. Literally. Find me a line of his that has a subject and predicate. My favorite scene, I think, is when Roma, on top, is stuck alone in the office and has to have a conversation with the schlemeil Aaronow. He's polite, even a little encouraging, but you know he just wants to put a bullett in his head. (Aaronow does get, earlier with Moss, arguably the best line of the film: "Boots, yes, boots.") And just when you think the movie can't get any better, there's that moment. When the Machine says to Williamson "my daughter," and Williamson, calmly brushes him off with a "fuck you." What's so wonderful there is that you know what each character is thinking, and why they are thinking it. The Machine has used up every one of his tricks and has to rely on the truth; Williamson now has the upper hand and can ignore anything he says; The Machine knows he's the boy who cried wolf. "There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing."

Le Petit Soldat (1963), Jean-Luc Godard, B

JLG's dark, second feature has a lot going for it, but it is also quite confusing. And not in a fun way, like some of his movie can be. I'm not sure realistic espionage thrillers are the best fodder for his early, improvisatory, jazzy style. But I may be being overly negative -- there are some impressive scenes here, and the expose on French-Algerian torture did get this movie banned.

The Brood (1979), David Cronenberg, B

More "Monsters from the Id." This, along with "Rabid," may be D.C.'s most traditionally paced and delivered horror film. This is a cut above most horror films of the era, though, because during the between-killings time there are some actual interesting scenes of human interaction. Not that dazzling visually, with the exception of bright, tiny children's winter coats which, by the end of the picture, become terrifying. Somehow. For early Cronenberg, I prefer "Shivers" or "Scanners."

The Return (2004), Andrei Zvyagintsev, A-

This movie is oddly fascinating and may just be brilliant. It gets the high marks it does because I can't quite figure out what make it tick. And because even though not much happens, it is never boring. It is, all the things that's almost boring: languid, evocative, moody, etc. It's about these two kids in modern Russia who are reunited with their asshole father. He takes them on a long, pointless voyage and acts like a total asshole. Then you kinda notice that the kids are a little bit assholes, too. Then some crazy shit happens and it ends. But the tracking shots, use of long lenses, long takes in the rain really get you right in the moment. I recommend this movie, and maybe it really is about young boys shedding their attachment to their mothers and becoming their fathers (as the press material says), but I won't argue with anyone if they say they hate it.

The Poseidon Adventure (1972), Ronald Neame, B

"How many more lives?!?" This movie had me up nights as a kid. Watching it today, all I could do was giggle at the dialogue. And scream back at Gene Hackman, "How the hell do you know, Jackass?!?" How Ronald Neame, who actually made great films in England ("Tunes of Glory", "The Horse's Mouth"), got this gig from producer Irwin Allen is, I'm sure, an interesting story. How some of the line readings made it past the editing process is another. One thing to be sure of, stick with the movie for another ten minutes and you are guaranteed either another fiery death or an upskirt panty shot. There's an essay in there somewhere.

L'Age D'Or (1930), Luis Bunuel, C-

Should be called "L'Age Bore." This essential classic of surrealist (and banned) cinema needs an editor. Film Forum showed this with Bunuel's previous collaboration with Salvador Dali, the sixteen minute "Un Chien Andalou," which is filled with wit and zing. This has little going for it, other than it's own cultural importance as a product. J. Hoberman's review makes it sound fantastic, but trust me, it reads better than it watches. Find a tape of "Un Chien Andalou," or the shorts of Maya Deren, to scratch your surrealist itch.

Naked Lunch (1991), David Cronenberg, A-

Not Cronenberg's best film, but his most epic. And, possibly, one of the best movies about writing ever made. My chief complaint is that one really needs to have some prior knowledge about William S. Burroughs to "get" the film. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. It's tough to say. Peter Weller's performance, though, especially opposite his typewriter, is flat-out hysterical. Gets better each time I see it. (Wish Fox Movie Channel didn't show the pan-and-scan.)

Mauvaise Graine (1934), Billy Wilder and Alexander Esway, B

On the way from Vienna to Hollywood Billy Wilder stopped in Paris to co-write and co-direct this film. A droll comedy about a fancy lad who joins a team of car theives. Some clever scenes, but lacking the eventual Wilder bite. Nifty.

It Downloads As It Was

Looks like they used a lot of Karo Syrup for this one.

Trailer One.

Trailer Two actually has titles like, "One Man Who Changed Everything."

Both have Latin!!

La Guerre Est Finie (1966), Alain Resnais, A-

"Je suis un revolutionaire." So said Terry Jones on a rubbish heap. The Python bit is more directed at Antonioni -- Resnais' films, all tracking shots, montage, voice-over and sound collage, work hard for their place on the World Film 101 syllabus. Yves Montand plays the burned-out freedom fighter, the ripe 19-year old Genvieve Bujold plays the doe-eyed Leninist terrorist. When they have sex, they float in a bright white void. I can't say I followed every bit of the plot, but I'm fairly convinced that was intentional. I now have a firmer grasp on the mundane ins-and-outs of being a middle class Spanish left wing militant exile living in mid-60s Paris. And that's some knowledge I didn't have yesterday.

The Exorcist (1973), William Friedkin, B+

You know, there's a lot about this movie that's, to put it bluntly, retarded. The openining sequence in Iraq, plus Father Karras walking the streets looking troubled kinda goes on long after the point is made. This movie is successful, we all know, because a cute little girl says shockingly vulgar things. The shock hasn't worn off. And try going to bed at night without seeing that horribly made-up face smirking at your. Shudder! Somehow, though, reasonable people engage this movie on a story level. I can't go that far. But for shock value and gross-out creepiness, it is top-notch fun.

I'm Off to Hollywood!

It's official!

I'm a Film Fantatic!

And I will be one of six representatives for the city of New York on February 11th.
More info soon. For now, click here.

We Have No Earthly Way Of Knowing

What we talk about on subway rides.

My top 5:
5 -- Charlie Bucket
4 -- Violet Beauregard
3 -- Augustus Gloop
2 -- Mike Teevee
1 -- Veruca Salt

Ann's top 5:
5 -- Augustus Gloop
4 -- Charlie Bucket
3 -- Veruca Salt
2 -- Mike Teevee
1 -- Violet Beauregard

(We both agree that Mike Teevee's mom should get un certain regard)

Who are YOUR picks?

Kwaidan (1964), Masaki Kobayashi, B

I'll quote Homer Simpson when he watched "Twin Peaks." "Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I have no idea what's going on." 4 Japanese ghost/folk tales. Whatever. I've given up on trying to relate to Japanese folktales. Still, sets, costumes, lighting and camerawork are mesmerizing. I may as well've watched this without the subtitles. Very, very pretty pictures. That's gotta be worth something. (Drugs might've helped.)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971), Mel Stuart, B+

My sister does a mean Veruca Salt. As a lad, this picture admitted me to the most obnoxious club there is: "the book is better." Well, it is. Songs are catchy, though. I look forward to the Burton-Depp collaboration next year.

Forbidden Planet (1956), Fred M. Wilcox, B

or: Epcot Center, The Movie. There's plenty synthesized whirrs, schticky robot one-liners, dead pan Leslie Nielson and Evil Monsters from the Id on display here. It's not a comedy. Anne Francis changes her outfit every scene she's in, and that's okay from where I'm sittin'. It took Turner Classic Movies' announcer to remind me, after the film ended, that it was based on Shakespeare. Sometimes I'm slow.

The Purple Rose of Cairo (1984), Woody Allen, A+

I just learned that this was, at the time he made it, Woody's favorite of his own films. I've got a relationship to this movie kinda what Mia Farrow has with the movie within this movie. The 79 minutes on display here are perfect, like a high-concept comedy version of haiku. The side characters, especially the "fake ones" are so rewarding, even in their elliptical presentation. Tears run down my face at the end without fail; I've probably seen this 25 times.

Comedian (2002), Christian Charles, B

This isn't a real movie. It doesn't arc. It isn't really important. And if you don't come to it with a background knowledge of who the key people are (Jerry Seinfeld, Collin Quinn) then it is totally meaningless. But if you do know, and you have an interest in the mechanics of show business (not of the E! Network variety, but of the Variety variety) you will find a handful of very compelling and insightful moments. One thing that struck me -- this movie isn't funny. Something about seeing the comedy made from the inside out renders it completely unfunny. Also -- the coolest closing credits sequence I've seen in a long time.

The Man Who Wasn't There (2001), Coen Bros, A

Wound up watching this (for the sixth time) after feeling glum about the Iowa results. In this film, Scarlett Johanson plays a piano sonata -- and that's pretty much what the Coens have done with their film. It works more on an emotional level than on a story level. People are mixed on this film, but I am floored by it. Foolish of me to watch anything Coens-written while I'm trying to muster energy to work on a screenplay. They sure do have a knack, don't they?

Space is the Place (1974), John Coney, C+

How's this for a pitch: Obese pianist travels from Outer Space to Oakland to create a jobs program. About as good of a curio as "200 Motels" or "Masked and Anonymous." I can't say I dig too much of the music Sun Ra was playing at this time (his mid-60s stuff is about as avant-garde as I can stomach), but there are a few interesting cultural moments. Annoying fact: Sun Ra uses Egyptian iconography to promote Black Power. But isn't Egypt, even ancient Egypt, non-black racially? Shouldn't Sun Ra be promoting the noble virtues of the Nubians and other Sub-Saharans?

The Bostonians (1984), James Ivory, A-

If you are going to adapt Henry James then take it on head first. Have Ruth Prawer Jhabvala write the script and hire Vanessa Redgrave for the juciest role. Is this a love letter to selling out? On surface, maybe -- but it is a great movie.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Chris Columbus, C+

Somewhere between mildly pleasant and vaguely annoying lies this film. The few good moments are just sticking a camera in front of another wildly innovative idea of J.K. Rowling's before dropping it: little plants that scream, flying old cars, pet phoenixes, etc. Also, Harry isn't cute anymore. Also also, when will it be appropriate to point out that little Hermoine is growing into a hot little witch? By part three, I hope.

Waking Life (2001), Richard Linklater, A-

Inspiring! You'll either love it or you won't. More than anything else, it made me nostalgic for college.

Le Cercle Rouge (1970), Jean-Pierre Melville, D+

Le Cercle Snooze is more like it. Arguably the dullest caper film I've ever seen. Makes you recognize how much fun "Topkapi" or the recent "Ocean's Eleven" is. Hell, even "The Score" is more memorable than this. Melville and Alain Delon made the gamble to play the film distant. That worked in their previous collaboration "Le Samourai," but here it is a 2 hr 20 min bore. That's because in "Le Samourai" cool shit happens -- here, with the exception of a mediocre fifteen minute heist, a lot of nothing happens. There are driving scenes, and scenes of cops scratching their heads, that are repeated and repeated and repeated. Then the cops, who are agonizing over one case, drop everything and move on to a different (yet unbeknownst to them) related case. And no one has any motivation. When Yves Montand pretends to shed some light on his character five minutes before the end (through the friendship of theives I've found sobriety!) it is laughable. Speaking of laughable, Delon in his moustache is a dead ringer for Dave Foley goofing as a private eye in the Kids in the Hall. Can't fault Melville for this, but it sure took me out of the story. I give a thumbs up to the music, a cool use of zoom lenses and Yves Montand's striped wallpaper, but the rest of this is a pass. Roger Ebert, J. Hoberman and Jurgen Fauth all liked this movie, but I think it is boring and almost awful.

Equus (1977), Sidney Lumet, D

Ya know, you can have a great cast, neat cinematic tricks and eloquent dialogue, but if your story is a retarded piece of psuedo-intellectual junk then you can only go so far. Peter Schaffer, he of "Amadeus," takes a giant horse-turd on paper and calls it an introspective look into psychology. I say, "Neigh." Anyway, Richard Burton gives a performance that somehow keeps you from laughing at all this nonsense. Bravo to him. Russell Crowe, in time, will simply morph into Richard Burton. Lots and lots of Peter Firth's dong in this one. I guess if you were hung like him you'd appear naked in movies, too. Some would say he was hung like a ... oh, never mind.

All Through The Night (1942), Vincent Sherman, C+

I loved the first third of this movie. I mean -- really loved it. Imagine Bogart in a funnier, more noir "Guys and Dolls" without the singing. With a supporting cast like Peter Lorre, Jackie Gleason, Phil Silvers and a lot of guys you recognize from small parts in "Casablanca." About 40 minutes in the whole house of cards collapses into something about as gripping as your average Scooby Doo episode. What a wash-out. I strongly recommend catching the opening of this film on cable some day -- it's just perfect. Then, make with the clicker.

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949), Robert Hamer, B+

Perhaps the most English comedy ever made. Very witty and nasty. Ann wisely pointed out a similarity to "Rushmore" in tone. I was expecting more Alec Guinness -- and, while he plays 8 different roles, he actually isn't on screen that much. Fun.

Crimewave (1985), Sam Raimi, B-

One of the greatest deeply flawed movies of all time. Boring at times, perhaps a little dumb throughout, but you can see the genius of Raimi and his co-writers (two young men named Joel and Ethan Coen you may have heard about) in their embryonic stages. There are 2 or 3 set pieces that are right out of "Raising Arizona" or "The Big Lebowski." Fans of the Coens (and Raimi) should hunt this VHS down. If you can't find it anywhere, I'll lend you my copy.

Ossessione (1943), Luchino Visconti, C

This rural-Italian version of "The Postman Always Rings Twice" is a little obtuse. I can't really recommend it, but it is interesting to see an Italian Film Noir. I don't know of any other that exists.

Citizen Ruth (1996), Alexander Payne, A

Recidivism: The Movie! Alexander Payne's films are very cathartic for me in a Simpsons-esque way. This movie comes from a place of real frustration and anger, and I totally respect that. There aren't that many people doing this -- or doing it well. Laura Dern's performance is fucking brilliant. She walks the line between total asshole and sympathetic asshole so well. Just as you are about to feel sorry for her, you want to strangle her -- yet, somehow, you are still happy for her when she fucks everybody over in the end. Also -- best ever extras casting in this film. A ten-second glance at a character's face and you know exactly who they are and what they are about. Lots of great subtle moments, like the Vietnam Vet pro-choicer working at a porno boutique. And some great unsubtle moments, like Dern shouting to her ex, "Suck the shit out of my ass, fucker!!" Fantastic film altogether.

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee (2002), Michael Rauch, B+

I used to think Eric Bogosian was a psuedo-intellectual bore. I renounce that on seeing his most recent concert film. It is chock full of resonant anger and gunny insights. He's doing less of the characters and more just anger-vomiting. And I never realized that he's kind've a cross between Elliot Gould, Jerry Seinfeld and my Uncle Paul.

Network (1976), Sidney Lumet, A+

"I'm sorry I impugned your cocksmanship." If that isn't the best line in cinema, I don't know what is. There are dozens of other contenders in this picture. To call "Network" ahead of its time is simply too obvious. Predicting Murdoch-ism, reality TV, globalism and so on. One thing I noticed this time -- the umpteenth time I've watched, with mouth agape, this work of genius. "Network" was actually overestimating the eventual decay of the American society (which we, heading in to the second W. Bush administration, are now in the depths of.) "Network" had as its great common denominator Anger. Anger against the Man for political and social reasons. This Anger is manifest in much of today's culture -- but it isn't anything remotely as enlightened as Howard Beale's ravings or the ultra-left terrorist actions of "The Mao-Tse Tung Hour." The Anger served up by our media is self-serving. Anger at our our body image -- feeding into diet magazines and eye shadow. Anger at foreigners. And the prose of Paddy Chayefsky is eloquent in a way to make the dilaogue on Fox News and MSNBC look like the grunting of cro-magnum men. Think Howard Stern instead of Howard Beale. When someone walked out of "Network" in 1976 who in their right mind would ever think that, compared to the socio-political climate or 2004, it would seem like the "good old days?"

The Triplettes of Belleville (2003), Sylvain Chomet, C+

The old women at the Cinema Arts Center in Huntington, Long Island (who dragged their investment banker husbands out on a Saturday Night) loved this movie to pieces. All I kept thinking was that this was no better and no worse than your average bit of programming on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim series. (Sun - Thurs 11 pm - 5 am.) At 80 minutes in length Ann & I agreed we both found merit in it, but thought it could use a good 25 minutes of editing.

Carnival of Souls (1962), Herk Harvey, B

Wow. All of my positive comments for this micro-budget film must be given with the understanding that the script is shit. Absolute shit. But if you take the film as an avant-garde art piece (which, no matter what the Criterion Collection tells you, was unintentional) it is a remarkable piece of work. Wonderful images, some creepy-as-hell performances and great sound design. This brings up some interesting aesthetic arguements. Should a work be considered valid when its merits come, for lack of a better word, accidentally? The sound design, for example, is so effective because the budget was so low that much of the film was shot without any location sound and the sound elements were put in all afterwards. This is hard for the greatest technicians to pull off -- but in the context of a supernatural story the disconnect makes everything work all the better. Anyway, recommended for people who like non-narrative film.

Run Silent, Run Deep (1958), Robert Wise, B+

Who doesn't like Burt Lancaster? Who doesn't like submarine movies?

The Candidate (1972), Michael Ritchie, B+

I remembered this being a lot better. It is really good, though, but I think "The West Wing" and "K Street" have improved on it.

Demon Seed (1977), Donald Cammell, B+

or, Anal Probe: The Movie! Imagine a monster movie where the monster is an Inranet! An Intranet who's horny! This late 70s "heavy" sci-fi flick ought to appeal to the folks that like creepy Cronenberg films as well as episodes where Data longs for emotions. The script is ever-so-slightly tongue-in-cheek and the video effects have an agreeable, nostalgic look. Very inspired by the paperback cover of M. Crichton's "The Terminal Man" in my opinion. Julie Christie pulls off a very difficult performance, playing opposite, mostly, an empty wheelchair and a pair of white View-Finder goggles. Don't look for this one on DVD -- Kerry & I had to schlep to the Walter Reade Theatre for a 16mm projection. [But it was there that we learned that the Walter Reade Theatre and the Walter Reed Hospital were named after different people.]

Best of '03

Albums:

Bronze -- Gillian Welch "Soul Journey"
Silver -- Josh Rouse "1972"
Gold -- Steely Dan "Everything Must Go"

Movies (requisite disclaimers about not seeing everything yet):

11) Intolerable Cruelty
10) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
9) City of God
8) Lost in Translation
7) Winged Migration
6) Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines
5) The Weather Underground
4) Open Range
3) School of Rock
2) Elephant
1) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

A Zed and Two Noughts (1985), Peter Greenaway, B+

"Dead Ringers" meets "Crash" meets "Cremaster 3" meets "Stuck On You." If I had to pick Greenaway's main flaw it's that he doesn't leave well enough alone. There's so much technique that any identification with the characters are impossible. In fact, my largest takeaway from this film was to further recognize how talented David Cronenberg is. This film swims in the same plasma pool as much of Cronenberg's work, yet one never achieves the level of understanding or sympathy even the most difficult of Cronenberg's work. Part of this is technical: one must wait for twenty-five minutes before seeing even a medium shot in "A Zed and Two Noughts." There are no close-ups in the film. (Except for those of time-lapsed rotting animal corpses. And there are many.) I give the film mad props, though, for dealing with fascinating themes (even if they ultimately fail to gel at the end) and for just not letting up. "A Zed and Two Noughts" can stay on the same shelf as "Raising Arizona," "Annie Hall" and Emir Kustarica's "Underground" in terms of whiz-bang fast openings.

The Fog of War (2003), Errol Morris, A-

Really good, if you like this sort of thing. I like this sort of thing. Glad to see Errol use some restraint in his technique. You can still tell this is "an Errol Morris film" from just about any 3-second clip, but it isn't quite so overboard as was his last effort, "Mr. Death."

The Crush (1967), Ermanno Olmi, B

Very sweet 50 minute film about a romantic 15 yr old caught without a date on New Year's Eve. I bet our friend Wes Anderson took a look at this before "Rushmore." A nice bonus on the "Il Posto" DVD.

Il Posto (1961), Ermanno Olmi, A-

Not "Il Postino." One of the most engaging movies about boredom that I'd ever seen. Top notch. Would make an interesting double feature with Milos Forman's "Loves of a Blonde." It's kinda the same story in reverse.

Miracle on 34th Street (1947), George Seaton, A-

Truly one of the sweetest movies I've ever seen. With some occasional zinger dialogue to boot.

Dumb and Dumber (1994), The Farrelly Brothers, C

There's a funny reason I rented this. (No, I've never seen it before -- not even bits on TV. Don't ask how.) Recently Ann & I caught "Stuck On You" and I remain somewhat taken with just how truly sweet it was. I felt the same way about "Outside Providence." I've long been a fan of "Kingpin" and while "Me, Myself & Irene" (which I caught most of with Schmit and Bryan Riss on TV) was asinine it had a glorious "we'll do anything for a laugh" quality. I skipped "Dumb & Dumber" while it was conquering the world because this was at the apex of my designed negelct of anything that was too popular. Junior year in college, ya see. For the same reason, I've never seen "Forest Gump" (although I have caught a little bit on TV and recognize I ain't missing much.

Anyway, about a week ago I'm taking a nap at 3 pm -- standard routine. I've got the radio tuned to WNYC and Terry Gross is interviewing the Farrelly Brothers. I don't know how many of you have ever fallen asleep while talk radio is on, but it REALLY affects your subconscious. Anyway, the Farrellys are talking about their "craft" and in my semi-state of consciousness I'm listening in like it's a fireside chat with Leonardo da Vinci. I'm like, These Guys Are Geniuses! Why am I just discovering this now!! Gross plays a clip from "Dumb and Dumber" and, in my quasi-dream, I'm laughing until I am crying. I wake up and put "D&D" at the top of my Netflix queue.

It's not that funny.

Power Trip (2003), Paul Devlin, B

Oy. Be glad you don't live in Georgia. Georgia the country -- although I've been to Atlanta and it ain't that great there, either. A mostly fascinating look at power dynamics (literally) in the former Soviet Union. Who knew the Geddy Lee of Rush was the chief project manager for Tiblisi?

7th Street (2003), Josh Pais, C+

Gentrification: The Movie! This shoestring doc won't much interest anyone who doesn't live in NYC.

Timecode (2000), Mike Figgis, B+

A very rewarding little movie with a clever gimmick. Another odd example of a movie shot on DV that was transfered to film for its theatrical release, but on IFC was shown in its original source. As a result, the individual frames look more "video-y" than Ultrachrist! Since the movie is mostly documentary, it's fine -- but the moment when the Everything But the Girl song comes on the whole thing crashes down. (oddly, I didn't feel this way when the instrumental music was playing.)

The Contender (2000), Rod Lurie, B

Complete liberal pie-in-the-sky. Man, it made me nostalgic for Clinton. Fantastic performances by Joan Allen (is she ever not stunning?) and Gary Oldman (it took me a while to even recognize him -- he's always a perfect villain, I wanted him dead) make an idiotic plot twist mostly forgivable.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), Peter Jackson, A-

Peerless spectacle. Bad dialogue, one too many interchangable characters with long blonde hair.

Ulysses' Gaze (1995), Theo Angelopoulos, B-

As long and mannered as the Balkans are ethnically shattered. There are about 7 or 8 magnificently choreographed tracking shots that make this worth a rental.

Nostalghia (1983), Andrei Tarkovsky

Aborted. Turned it on last night, fell asleep. So I turned it on today in broad daylight, fell asleep. Some of the tracking shots looked nice, but at the 40 minute mark (after dozing, rewinding, dozing again) I asked, "Is there a plot?" When I realized that my goal of 365 was already been hit I proudly exclaimed "F this!" and threw it back in the mail.

Hiroshima Mon Amour (1959), Alain Resnais, B+

High Modernism in movie form. Like a trip to the Whitney Museum. I'm still digesting this, it is troubling, but I enjoyed it enough that I plan to watch it again with the commentary track.

Stuck On You (2003), The Farrelly Brothers, B

Cute.

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1970), Billy Wilder, C-

Who knew Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond would ever bother to write a long episode of Scooby Doo? Okay, it's a little more clever -- let's say an episode of Tiny Toons.

365) Bad Santa (2003), Terry Zwigoff, B-

Before I point out flaws, I preface thusly: Billy Bob Thornton is the greatest non-Johnny Depp actor working in Hollywood films today. Somebody cast him in something halfway intelligent opposite Jack Nicholson and we can all call it a day. Now, "Bad Santa" is one of those troublesome movies that has a lot of fantastic things going for it and just as many problems. I laughed my arse off when I was supposed to, but at other times I kept wishing I was home so I could hit pause and go check my email. It is a flawed, flawed movie that has some timeless bits we'll be laughing at forever. Tony Cox ought to get the Oscar for supporting.

364) Andrei Rublev (1966), Andrei Tarkovsky, B+

205 minutes of symbol-laden, elliptical tableau. Long stretches without a central character anywhere in sight. Micro-essays concerning creativity, work, faith and doubt posing as dialogue. Some things I’d never seen before watching this film: a cow on fire, a horse falling down a flight of stairs, a drowned swan, a dog beaten with a stick and no label from the ASPCA declaring no animals harmed. But I also found out how to make a giant bell ca.1400 (it involves burying it in the ground and lighting the mound on fire.) I can’t say I fully grasped every moment of this film – I can’t even say I stayed awake for every moment of this film – but there are some wild moments and, in terms of general themes and mood, I think Tarkovsky got his point across. Just slowly.

My Man Godfrey (1936), Gregory La Cava

I'm not counting this as an official entry, as I kinda nodded off during some of it, but hot damn this is funny. William Powell was a great influence on John Cleese. And I don't know of too many other women as funny as Carole Lombard.

363) Schizopolis (1996), Steven Soderbergh, A

Nose army! (If Monty Python wasn't trying to be funny -- but was anyway -- it would be like "Schizopolis." What's staggering is how much of a story there actually is hidden in this madness. Like the gag opening says, you really do have to see this more than once! This is mad genius at work and, despite tongue forcefully placed in cheek, it works on a much deeper level. This is also a very sad movie.) Jigsaw.

362) Harry and Tonto (1974), Paul Mazursky, A-

They don’t make movies like this anymore. They try, but they come out schmaltzy. The first hour is absolute perfection, the second half may be a bit too elliptical for its own good. Still, Art Carney’s Oscar is well-deserved and if you don’t feel a lump in your throat (a well-earned lump, mind you) then you have serious problems.

361) Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002), Philip Noyce, B

It sure sucks to be a half-Aboriginal in Western Australia in the 1930s. I like a movie that points out how horrible non-American whites are; I can feel scorn completely guilt-free. Anyway, this movie is pretty good. The history is more interesting than anything else.

360) The Terminator (1984), James Cameron, B+

The first 45 minutes are as stirring and cinematically challenging as the best of Hitchcock. The rest is fun, too. It has aged very well, though it lacks the humor of chapters II and III.

359) The Panic in Needle Park (1971), Jerry Schatzberg, B

You need to see another "drugs are bad" movie like you need a hole in the head, but considering when this was made it is remarkable. Performances and setting is still quite arresting. It's funny to see how tough the Upper West Side was in 1971.

358) Jubilee (1977), Derek Jarman, F

Awful. Like a Paul Morrissey film (hardly my favorites) without any intriguing characters. Or like "The Young Ones" without humor. Bad, terrible, bad. The Criterion Collection's first major misstep.

357) Ghost World (2001), Terry Zwigoff, A

This movie, well, it just knocks it out of the park. I don’t remember too much from "American Beauty" and haven’t seen Thora Birch’s other recent work, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that, based on this performance, she is the greatest actress of her generation. Just look at the way she walks, the way her arms dangle uncomfortably when she is at rest. I foolishly looked up some recent photos of Birch on the Web and learned, sadly, that she lost weight; she doesn’t look like Enid anymore, she looks like a regular person, one of the "99% of humanity" she and Seymour can’t relate to. This movie gets an "A" because I love it so much but, like Enid, it is flawed. The coda is a disaster -- that much is almost universally agreed on. Also, I feel like some of the wacky side characters (the Satanists, the kung-fu redneck) are kinda crammed in during the first ten minutes, then dropped. My educated guess is that this is due to wanting to keep some of the gems from the comic book. My quick research tells me that the relationship with Seymour, the emotional heart and soul, was created for the movie, and not in the original comic book. If this is true, it finalizes a theory I’ve held since I was about 9 years old – I don’t like comic books. So far, "Ghost World" is the only comic book movie I like, and I think what I respond to is all the non-comic book parts.

356) Arsenal (1928), Aleksandr Dovzhenko, B-

I was really lost until I turned on the commentary track. Then I realized what the barrage of images I was looking at was about – an "Alamo"-like stand of Bolsheviks in a Ukrainian arsenal against nationalists. Without a roadmap it’s impossible to follow unless you know a lot about the day-to-day politics of Kiev in 1918. With a roadmap, it is another example of wonderful Soviet avant-garde cinema.

Night and Fog (1955), Alain Resnais

This doesn't count toward the 365, as it is just a short. And thank God. Who could stand much more. (it's mostly concentration camp footage, if you didn't know.)

It's an amazing film-essay. . .interesting to note Chris Marker was as AD on the project. Anyway, for its time, it is remarkable. I came to realize during it that Tim Blake Nelson's "The Grey Zone" is the holocaust film that shocked and gripped me the most. "Night and Fog," just by its sheer half-hour length, only scratches the surface.

355) The Red Badge of Courage (1951), John Huston, B+

A solid cinematic rendering of Stephen Crane's prose. . .for the most part. The ending gets a little jingoistic (it does star Audie Murphey) but this is a nice little gem.

354) At Home Among Strangers, A Stranger Among His Own (1974), Nikita Mikhalkov, C+

A Sergio Leone-style Western set in the early days of the Soviet Union. This story about a man who botches protecting a delivery of gold (to Moscow, to trade to the Leauge of Nations, so starving workers can eat) and fights both bandits and the gov't posse on his tail sure pitches well. But is plays out jumbled, confused and boring. Even the music is Morricone-like. Points for trying.

353) Spirited Away (2002), Hayao Miyazaki, B

"Spirited Away" is deeply flawed, yet so staggeringly original and unpredictable that I found myself greatly involved in it. As a narrative, it is a complete mess -- but it isn't quite screwy enough to be a "dream logic" movie like, say, "Mullholland Drive." What you come away with is an inscrutable plot, an unexplained setting (what good is a fish-out-of-water tale if you never know what the new pond is?) and characters operating without any motivation (first they're good guys, then bad guys, then they eat cheesecake.) Okay. That's all the bad stuff. The good stuff is a nutty sequence like the entrance of the Stink Monster or the hard working Soot Creatures or the old lady who turns into an old-lady-bird. I disagree with critics like Elvis Mitchell, Roger Ebert and Jurgen Fauth who consider this a brilliant movie, but I do think it is a worthy entertainment.

352) The Dinner Game (1998), Francis Veber, A

Absolutely hysterical. It’s movies like this that got me interested in movies. Only the French can have you rooting for a man to keep his wife and his mistress.

351) Standing in the Shadows of Motown (2002), Paul Justman, D

A missed opportunity.

350) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962), John Ford, B

I can’t rationally explain my admiration for John Ford/John Wayne
westerns. In this one, he actually calls James Stewart "pilgrim."
There’s a whole lotta doing the right thing in this one. And the eating
of steak.

349) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Stanley Kubrick, A+

If presented in the proper setting it is an unequalled movie experience. There’s no other movie I know of that tackled these subjects. Part of the magic, yes, is being obscure. Every late night undergraduate argument about the meaning of this film is completely earned. I caught this tonight on TMC’s "Essentials" series, and it is well placed on that shelf. There were a few years in my life when I dismissed this movie, but I’m officially reversing myself. One basic example of how it "works" is this: I saw this very young on TV, too young to "get" in any concrete the discussion about Man and Nature and Machine and Transcendence and Blah Blah Blah, and still, although this is not a "scary movie," the imagery and aural textures had me up, oddly terrified, for nights.

348) Amores Perros (2000), Alejandro González Iñárritu, C-

What's Spanish for "overhyped?" Or, frankly, "gross?" I've had it up to here with movies that are really numerous short films smooshed together with forced coincidences to make a feature. I say "feh" to that! Of the three short films here, one is good (the model with her dog trapped under the floorboards of the apartment), one is unoriginal but well-played (the contract killer with a past), and one, the kid with the fighting-dog who loves his sister-in-law, is just awful. Not one -- not ONE --- of any of the characters in the entire picture is sympathetic. And it's an ugly picture. And two-and-one-half hours. Skip it. If you want to see Latin America in violent crises see "City of God" -- it has a social conscious.

347) Va Savoir? (2000), Jacques Rivette, C

An quirky-yet-somehow-boring bedroom melodrama that, in the last twenty minutes, decides to become a screwball comedy. I liked the last twenty minutes.

346) Rumble Fish (1983), Francis Ford Coppola, B

"West Side Story" meets Vidal Sassoon. An orgasm of technique and style and archetypes and myth. Mesmerizing at times, but it sure felt longer than 94 minutes.

345) Pollock (2002), Ed Harris, C+

He's a genius! He's a drunk! He's a bad driver!

344) Bloody Sunday (2002), Paul Greengrass, B+

Depressing. Even if it doesn't show any background, and suggests that every Irishman is a saint, it still makes me want to kick any Limey I see in his arse. Which, I'm sure, was the idea. The performances are terrific and the mock-doc style is a perfect choice, even if it felt, at times, like I was watching the History Channel. Which, again, I'm sure, was the idea. I will officially commit myself to seeing any movie James Nesbit is in; he was terrific, and watching him realize that non-violence doesn't work was heartbreaking. [Sidebar: Denise says that, perhaps, Nesbitt's will not ultimately lose faith in non-violence. That's what makes his performance so fascinating.]

343) Elephant (2003), Gus Van Sant, A

"Elephant" is among the most riveting experiences I've had in a cinema this year. A whole new film grammar is created. Expectations are shot down. The Peckinpah ending is done without slo-mo, without music, without emotion. The De Palma sequence, showing one instant from multiple perspectives, is a moment devoid of drama, an imposed sprout of warmth and humanity without context in a cold, cement institution. New characters are created in the heat of the third act to subvert all of our movie notions, from surprise endings to changes-of-fate to simply the way things are supposed to go down depending on where they are placed in the frame -- it's like a horror movie where the cat doesn't jump out at you. From a formal perspective, that's the elephant in the living room -- nothing quite feels right, yet it all looks so ordinary. The high school set is 360 degrees of boredom but the tone, one of hyper-realism, makes "Elephant" seem as if it is set on a faraway space station. "Elephant" is the movie an observant kid makes in his mind fifteen times a day during high school. Some critics condemn it for trivializing Columbine. This movie isn’t about school shootings; I fully accept the notion that the killing spree at the end is symbolic. I don’t fall for that kind of talk easy, but here it is earned. This is the movie Steven Soderbergh almost made with "Solaris," it’s David Cronenberg’s "Stereo" with less talking. Gus Van Sant has grown into one of the finest recorders of the mundane, in that his images are never boring. I absolutely loved it and after admiring his "Gerry" from earlier this year, he has become, mid-career, one of my favorite filmmakers.

342) A Decade Under The Influence (2002), Richard LaGravanese and Ted Demme, C+

A so-so documentary about a topic that’s important to me. I found the footage and some of the interviews fun, but I don’t see this as really explaining 70s cinema to someone looking at this stuff for the first time. But, man, Julie Christie is still hot. She must have a fantastic plastic surgeon.

341) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Peter Jackson, A-

Okay, so I’m a geek and I like this movie. The Ents are awesome and men on horses swinging steel turns me on, kill me. There are some drawbacks to this film a little. For one, it does seem drawn about a bit, and the digital creatures, while some of the best digital creatures yet created, do sometimes look like a colorform slapped on top of a film image. My other complaint is that the movie is a giant tangent. I felt like Milhous wondering when Itchy and Scratchy were going to get to the fireworks factory; shouldn’t we all be watching Frodo get to Mount Doom? The fight for Rohan is so secondary – if Frodo fails in his mission, what does any of this matter? And, dude, what the hell is up with the Rohan King? He is the worst leader ever. Viggo Mortenson and his crew wake him up from his evil spell and he hardly thanks them, just whines about fighting to save his people and gives the team a bunch of sass. What’s Mortenson and the Dwarf and the Elf’s motivation to stay there and fight? Rohan isn’t their country. The King is a dick and it has nothing to do with their principle voyage – what they formed the Fellowship for? Do these people all have short attention spans? But this is all quibbling. I like this movie and look forward to part three.

340) Cry Funny Happy (2003), Sam Neave, B-

Seven annoying New Yorkers throw a party and yell at each other in their best Casavettes voices. Not really original or insightful, but some really wild performances. Of note is Michael Traynor and Amy (daughter of Robert) Redford as two of the least likable characters I’ve ever seen in movie history. The great Darrill Rosen of "Ultrachrist!" fame is wonderfully funny in a role that would be played by Stanley Tucci in the Hollywood version.

339) The Core (2003), John Amiel, B-

The first half is wonderful fun. Then it slips into traditional sucky action movie mode. Stanley Tucci is very funny.

338) You’re A Big Boy Now (1966), Francis Ford Coppola, B

I love 60s location footage of New York City. This is a goofy, well-meaning film about a lovable dorky young man and his amorous foibles. Imagine a less-heavy version of De Palma’s "Greetings" or James Toback’s "Fingers." Or a less funny version of Milos Forman’s "Taking Off." There’s a really cute dog in this. And a role Celia Montomery would have played much better. Cat Stevens is to "Harold and Maude" as John Sebastian is to this film. . .which is mostly a good thing.

337) Red River (1948), Howard Hawks, B

Here’s a good movie that really needs to be remade. Production realities of the day keep the story from really coming through, the whole man v. nature aspect of the cattle trail. Someone like Peter Weir ought to take a crack at it. Good stuff, though, even if the ending is completely asinine. To a politically active animal rights person, this movie must seem like a Holocaust film. "Good beef for hungry people. Beef to keep ‘em strong and make ‘em grow."

336) Cinemania (2003), Angela Christleib & Stephan Kijak, A-

I'm in no position to rate this movie without bias. At this point, I consider myself a full-blown acquaintance with Harvey, the giggly-est of the five part-admirable part-pitiable movie fanatics in this documentary. But I think even someone who hasn't pledged to watch 365 movies a year, or who hasn't schemed to fit a meal somewhere in an AMMI triple feature will dig this picture. I'm in one of the shots, in the background, only for a second, but it's me.

335) The Birds (1962), Alfred Hitchcock, A

This movie is about everything but killer birds. No one films people watching other people better than Hitchcock. "The Birds," kinda like "Close Encounters" just goes its own way and doesn’t stop until it leads to its own inevitable conclusion. Trying to summarize either picture makes them sound dumb. There are so many strange choices in "The Birds" that are just left there for you to chew on. Why do the birds make electronic sounds? Why are Tippy Hedren and Jessica Tandy kinda dressed the same, with the same hairstyle? Why does the dude keep calling his mom "dear" and "sweetheart?" This is a surrealist classic – Eugene Ionesco as filmed by Stanley Kubrick. It’s hard to pull off one of these allegorical stories without seeming silly, but this one works.

334) She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949), John Ford, B+

A great yarn with fun performances. Another one celebrating fascism. In this one the women ride in the back of the column, the Irish are all drunks, illegal settlements are defended against a collectivized indegenous population and the Confederate flag is saluted. So. . .if you can stomach all this, you'll find yourself watching a very good picture.

333) Cleopatra (1963), Joseph L. Mankiewicz, C+

The rumours are true. Sets, costumes and pageantry like few other films on earth. The problem is that Mankiewicz never had time to write a script. Some sequences are okay, others are unbearable. The chief trouble is that none of the characters are approachable, much less likeable. No fault of the actors, most of which are fine (except Hume Cronyn.) The Richard Burton/Russell Crowe connection has been pointed out by others, yes? If one were to take the story seriously, one would have to condemn it. Whereas "Starship Troopers" wryly examines fascism, "Cleopatra" celebrates it.

332) Un Air de Famile (1996), Cederic Klapisch, A-

A gem. Wonderful characters, especially women characters -- a good follow-up to the 100% man-filled "Master & Commander." It is true, though, that if this were in English it wouldn't be quite as compelling. But it isn't in English.

331) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003), Peter Weir, A

Awesome. If I'd known there were giant turtles in it, I'd've found a way to see it sooner. It doesn't quite have the epic scope of "Laurence of Arabia" but it has just as few speaking roles for women. The nitty gritty of life at sea is better depicted here than in any other nautical movie I've seen, I think. I loved the doctor and the one-armed kid (and Crowe, of course) but those were really the only developed characters. When the other ship is handed to the dude with the scar I'm sure that was supposed to move us in some way, but I didn't even know his name, even as the crew was "hip hip hooray-ing" him. But that is nit-picking. A great love story between science and muscle -- it deserves its upcoming Oscar for best picture. Hope Weir stays on for the sequel.

330) Elf (2003), Jon Favreau, B+

Will Ferrell is a goddamned riot. The script is as sharp as a diamond stylus. Some scenes are flat -- the brother and g.f. relationships especially—but anyone not singing at the end to keep Santa’s sled aloft is crippled inside. Some scenes in Elf are taken straight out of Ultrachrist!

329) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), Steven Spielberg, A

This is a movie about obsession. And it freaked the hell out of me as a kid. I was even terrified of the font. This is a surprisingly elliptical story for a blockbuster. There’s a lot that’s left unexplained and, um, the main character abandons his wife and kids.

328) The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985), Woody Allen, A+

One of the best, ever. I wrote a paper about this in college.

327) The Grey Zone (2002), Tim Blake Nelson, A

"Blaming the Victim: The Movie." Seriously, one of the most depressing things I’ve seen in a while. Nelson attempts the impossible, to film the moral universe inside concentration camps. His setting, the 12th Sonderkommando of Auschwitz, who staged a somewhat-successful uprising, is fascinating and disturbing. (Why he didn’t pick the slightly-more successful uprising at Treblinka is curious.) Anyway, I don’t think all the notes are hit correctly here, and if you come to this movie with little knowledge of how concentration camps operated this movie may be lost on you. Still, just when I think I am ready to ask for a moratorium on Holocaust films, along comes this film or "The Pianist" to rework the genre – if you can call it a genre. I’m not able to put my finger exactly what cinematic techniques make "The Grey Zone" so sharp (short of letting the actors speak with American accents) but there’s something. Certainly seeing a character named Hoffman hailing from Budapest working and dying at Auschwitz – pretty much all I know about many members of my father’s father’s side of the family -- added a layer of personal intensity I could have done without.

326) Risk (1994), Diedre Fishel, F

Shit sandwich. I’m sure the Danes were watching indie films like this when they realized they had to invent Dogme 95.

325) The Devil at 4 O’Clock (1961), Mervin LeRoy, C-

You’d think a movie about a remote children’s hospital fleeing an erupting volcano would be exciting, wouldn’t you? There’s a lot of preaching, literally, in this alleged adventure picture. How Frank Sinatra wound up in the South Seas I’d still like to know. The Michener-esque prologue presents some mildly interesting characters but that movie gets forgotten 30 minutes in.

324) Eye of God (1997), Tim Blake Nelson, A-

Terrific. This simple, nearly predictable story is made mesmerizing through great performances, dialogue, tricky intercutting and tone. The ending had me cheering – not in a "Rocky" way, but in a victory for humble aesthetics. Movies on religious themes are hard to make work. Movies about domestic violence are hard to make work. Movies based on plays are hard to make work. Nelson slammed this out of the park.

323) The Hitcher (1986), Robert Harmon, C+

Part Hitchcock "Wrong Man" suspense picture, part-"Mad Max." Unfortunately, the transitions between the two are quite jarring, making the whole movie, for me, preposterous. Fun beginning, though.

322) Shattered Glass (2003), Billy Ray, C+

"Portrait of a Bullshit Artist as a Young Man." Everybody loves this movie but me. I thought it slightly-better-than-OK. The performances were good and some of the sequences nice and tense, but it just didn’t hit me too much on a gut level. I recommend it for people who used to read Inside.com. PS – I am now officially suffering from Chloe Sevigny fatigue.

321) Ed Wood (1994), Tim Burton, A+

What struck my in ’94, and hit me again this time, is just how inspiring this movie is. This is as loving a portrait of and individual fighting the Man as any Jack Nicholson picture from the 70s. But here’s what’s amazing: it does not totally reject taking cheap shots at Wood’s lack-of-professionalism and transvestism. It is a funny, moving, exciting and left Ann and I filled with that warm glow only the best of movies leave you with. You don’t have to’ve seen Wood’s pictures to love this movie, but it helps. "Let’s shoot this fucka!"